How Quickly is Forever
by Willow2883
Summary: The story opens with Renesmee's 5th birthday, making her now a 15-year-old teenager. She's growing up, and her feelings are changing, leaving Jacob and Bella very confused, as old emotions and wounds are re-opened. And someone is going to get hurt. Jacob/Bella/Renesmee
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

**BPOV**

It all began around the time of my daughter's fifth birthday. That was when the fantasy I had so carefully constructed and concocted began to unravel. Renesmee's birthday happened to be the anniversary of my human death, or my "rebirth", as I preferred to call it. Those first few years had marked a joyous time for me, an initiation into an adventurous new life.

But for the first time, amidst the smiles, the presents and the "happy birthdays," I couldn't shake a feeling of sadness.

It was as if the rosy hue of my metaphorical glasses had irrevocably dimmed and a monotonous shade of gray had settled in. I wondered if this was the equivalent of my newborn status wearing off. I'd never gone through a traditional phase of implacable thirst and bloodlust. Nor did I lose my memories of my previous human life. They had dimmed somewhat; the angst, worry and guilt that I constantly put myself through had faded, but the relationships, along with the myriad of emotional ties to the people in my life, remained. I was ecstatic that my physical attraction to Edward had not diminished.

It was with more than a pinch of anxiety that the same four words kept ringing unbidden through my head:

_What have I done?_

There were fifteen candles on Renesmee's cake. It was a rough estimate derived from Carlisle's monthly exams of her. If left to his own devices, Carlisle would check her measurements and vital statistics daily, as he still found her mere existence fascinating. But once she was nine – three in chronological years – she began to find them embarrassing and invasive. So once a month became decided upon.

The birthday girl sat at the head of the table, her eyes ceiling-ward and her finger twirling her long red hair absently as she thought of a wish to make while blowing out her candles. She was not sly enough just yet for any of us to miss the coquettish glance she threw Jacob's way. Apparently, he played a major part in her wish.

Rosalie had bought her a black lace bustier to wear that I found totally inappropriate. But, like my sister pointed out, it was just us here; what was the harm? What we denied Renesmee in social acclimation we made up for in every other way. _Every_ other way. Hardly anything, short of that which would harm her, was denied her. We practically tripped over each other to make her happy.

"What did you wish for, angel?" Jacob asked.

Once upon a time, I used to be "honey." She was now his "angel."

"I can't tell, Jax! It won't come true if I tell." It was her nickname for him – last year, he had been repairing one of our many cars – I forget which one, now – and when he'd lifted the back end up with his bare hands, I told him he should use a jack for that. Renesmee asked me what a jack was, and I explained it was used to lift extremely heavy things, like cars. She then told us both that Jacob didn't need jacks; he was the strongest man in the world. The nickname stuck. I didn't know why it made me cringe when she called him that, but it did.

"You can tell me." He chucked her affectionately under the chin.

Her cheeks reddened and she looked at the floor as we all watched her. "I'll tell you later," she murmured.

I glanced at Edward. Was Jacob really that naïve, that he wasn't getting the obvious romantic intentions behind her embarrassed blush?

Edward shook his head, mouthing, "It's innocent."

"Maybe for him," I replied a little too loudly. Nine pairs of eyes turned my way. I stuttered as they all looked at me curiously. "N-nothing. Sorry. Excuse us," I said to the room as I tugged on Edward's arm, pulling him away.

I glared at Jacob before I turned and led Edward toward the stairs. Jacob looked at me, confused.

The problem with living among supernatural beings with sensitized hearing was it was very hard to act casual while hauling my husband far enough away to avoid being overheard. The speed with which I could do it, however, worked in my favor.

"What's going on?" I demanded once we hit the creek, about a mile away.

Edward sighed. "What do you mean?"

"What do I mean? Edward, I don't have to read minds to recognize the look on our daughter's face. What is going on?"

"Nothing. Now let's go back to the house and we'll talk about this later."

"That was not nothing. Did something happen that you're not telling me about?" I almost added that it wouldn't be the first time he'd kept something from me, but that wasn't fair. Edward was always trying to protect me. It was sweet, but also annoying and unnecessary. I wasn't breakable anymore. Not that I ever was.

He turned to face me. "Do you think Jacob would still be sitting in that chair, oblivious, if I thought there was something going on?" Edward very rarely lost his temper, but his voice was raised and his teeth clenched. "Look." He softened and placed his hand on my shoulder. "We'll talk about this later. Alright, love? Now, let's go back before she opens her presents."

I stood, steadfast. "So Jacob isn't…?"

He shook his head. "No," he murmured.

We quickly made our way back to the party. Alice looked at me curiously, cocking her head and raising an eyebrow, as I sat back down in my chair. I smiled and shook my head to tell her everything was fine.

I looked over at Jacob to see if he was getting any of this, but he was watching Renesmee as she dipped her finger cautiously into a dollop of frosting that was stuck to the cardboard box the cake had come in. She lifted it gingerly to her mouth and made a face at the taste, wiping the excess onto her napkin.

Alice took the elaborate and extremely expensive English castle-structured cake away. European castles were Renesmee's newest obsession. After removing the fifteen pink candles, Alice cut a generous slice for Jacob and the birthday girl. I knew Renesmee wouldn't touch hers; she was a finicky eater, much preferring blood, just like when she was little. She would occasionally eat meat; T-bones were her and Jacob's favorite. But it had to be blood rare, just barely seared on either side, and still cold and bright red in the center.

Alice set the two pieces of cake before them. Jacob picked up his fork and attacked his with gusto, while Renesmee took a small nibble of hers and wrinkled up her nose, pushing her plate away.

"You don't like it?" Alice pushed her lower lip out, pouting.

"It was beautiful, Auntie Alice! But you know I don't like sweets."

Alice sighed. "I had them make this special. I told them to go easy on the sugar."

"It's a good thing we've got a dog in the house," Rosalie muttered softly. "It'll get eaten," she reassured Alice.

Jacob shot Rosalie a dirty look, but let the snide comment slide.

"Hunt with me later, Jax?"

He reached out, pushing her hair out of her face, behind her ear. "Of course."

"Presents!" Alice twittered, gracefully dancing an armload of gifts to the table. There were clothes and books and jewelry, all the things that Renesmee had voiced enthusiasm at over the last year while going through catalogues, browsing online, and the always-looked-forward-to shopping trips with Auntie Alice. These were usually out of town trips, mostly out of the country trips that Renesmee loved, as she was allowed to wander freely in public. Home was usually like a lockdown for the poor thing. We tried to plan as many trips throughout the year as possible, so she was able to be among other people. One of my worst fears was that she would become like one of those high-strung little dogs who tremble and panic at the sight of anyone but their owners.

Unfortunately, unless she was with Jacob, most of this wandering and sight-seeing was done on gloomy, rainy days or at night.

"Daddy! Mama! I love it!" She stood up from her seat in excitement at the three-foot high picture book of castles that I'd picked out for her. I knew she'd love it.

"Wow, now that's a book. Where did you find that?" Jacob asked me.

"Online," I said, shrugging.

"These two are my favorite!" She held up the book I'd gotten her and a faux fur throw for her bed that was the exact shade of russet as Jacob's wolf fur. Jacob had gotten her the throw, along with a silver castle necklace on a chain with a diamond in the top turret. He'd had the necklace made for her, and the diamond was from his mother's wedding ring.

"Nessie," Edward chastised her.

"But I love all of them!" She enthused to the rest of her family. As testament to the fact, she kicked her shoes off and pulled on a pair of hiking boots that Emmett had picked out for her. Most of our gifts indulged her girly feminine side, but her uncles always managed to cater to her more tomboyish nature.

"Jax!" She held out her hand for Jacob. "Hunt! I'm hungry!"

Alice sighed. She had had an array of food catered for this occasion, hoping to appease any craving that Renesmee may have had in the "real food" arena. But most of it had been picked up, sniffed, nibbled and put back on her plate. Thank goodness Jacob had a hearty appetite.

"I'm kinda stuffed, Ness. Can it wait just a bit?"

Her bottom lip came out and she plunked unceremoniously back into her seat, sulking. She was obscenely mature in so many ways, but I had to remind myself that regardless of her intelligence and her physical maturity, she was really only five years old.

"Okay, but don't nag when my full belly holds me back." He acquiesced. I knew he would.

"I won't!" She jumped back up, all grins. She grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the stairs. "Deer or bear?" I heard her voice as they headed for the front door.

"We're not going that far…" Jacob's voice faded as they walked from the house towards the woods.

"When they get back, I have a card for her from Seth. I forgot to give it to her," I told Edward.

That first crazy year after Renesmee was born, Leah and Seth stayed here with Jacob, considering themselves part of his pack. But once things calmed down, Leah and Seth had no reason to remain, as a pack wasn't really needed. Especially Leah, considering the way she felt about us. Jacob kept encouraging her to go back to school, and finally she relented, enrolling in some psychology courses, as well as finishing her general ed. I supposed being inside the heads and emotions of so many people, not to mention all the turmoil she'd been through personally, would naturally pull Leah in that direction. I thought it was a perfect choice for her. If anyone could use some self-reflection, it was Leah. I hoped it would make her a little more empathetic toward others as well.

Seth, on the other hand, loved not only all of us, but beamed with pride every time Renesmee called him Uncle Seth. He adored her, and was a frequent companion to Jacob and Nessie before he left to go to school as well. If psychology was a good choice for Leah, Seth was perfect for his career path. He went into medicine, hoping to become a veterinarian. Carlisle was tickled and excited to have someone else to talk medicine with when Seth came to visit. He also helped out quite a bit financially in both Seth's and Leah's educations. With all they'd done for us, he'd insisted upon it, and their mother, Sue, had encouraged them to accept his gifts.

Edward watched a game on the television with Jasper while Alice, Esme and I cleaned up the kitchen. I gathered all of Renesmee's presents and put them in a garbage bag to bring up to her room later. She had a room here at the big house as well as one at the cottage, but she was spending more and more time here. Maybe I would have to put a stop to that and insist she use her room with us, to keep a sharper eye on her. Not that she could get away with much here, living with six vampires, but still.

When I went into the TV room to get Edward, Jasper said he had already left. So I made my way to the cottage, alone. I could hear the lilting melody long before I quietly closed the front door behind me. Edward sat at the piano, playing Beethoven from memory. His eyes were shut, but he smiled as he heard me come into the room.

I sat beside him, watching his fingers glide over the keys so nimbly. What was it about hands? I obviously was attracted to men who were good with their hands. I caught the thought in my head and corrected it quickly and harshly. I was attracted to _one _man who was good with his hands.

Edward had changed his shirt, switching from a button-down sea foam green collared shirt to a casual gray t-shirt. I liked the green one, as I knew that the green exactly matched his human eye color, since Carlisle mentioned it once. But with the wrinkled tee and jeans, he looked like the perfect 17-year-old boy I had met and fallen instantly in love with one rainy afternoon in the Forks High cafeteria.

I leaned in and breathed into his ear, ready to steer him into the bedroom, when Edward stopped abruptly.

"I think Nessie needs to spend more time here at the cottage, instead of sleeping at the big house."

I pulled back surprised. "I agree. I was just thinking that earlier. But why would you say that?"

He hesitated, like he was trying to find the right words. "She's getting older, love. But she's still very young in so many ways. I just think that Nessie can be… impulsive. She does things sometimes without thinking them through."

"Gee, sounds like a typical teenager." I smiled. "And she _is_ impulsive, but of course she would be with so many of us trying to give her everything she wants before she even knows what to ask for." I shook my head. "She's never going to learn anything but instant gratification."

Edward stared at me. "Yes. That's what I'm afraid of."

"Edward, what are you saying?_ Is_ something going on between Renesmee and Jacob that you didn't tell me about?" I felt dread in the pit of my stomach.

"No," he hedged. There was a long silence as I waited for him to say something I knew I didn't want to hear. "Not yet."

"Not yet? Not yet!" My voice rose, slightly panicked. Edward heard it, too.

"Love." He tried to reassure me. "We knew this was coming. Eventually the ramifications of the imprint were going to play out."

I jumped up from the piano bench, not sure what I was feeling. Emotions were sometimes confusing to a vampire, as your body couldn't give you clues anymore. A blush, a quickened heart rate, eyes moistening with tears: all those little hints were non-existent.

"How can we stop it? Edward." I could hear the panic in my own voice. "He can't say no to her! He. Can't. Say. No! God! How can you stay so calm?"

"Why are _you_ getting so hysterical? I told you, Jacob doesn't see it. And it's… mostly innocent what she's thinking."

"Like what?"

"Just… kissing. Things like that. She's curious. She has thoughts beyond that, but I don't think she really understands them."

I couldn't help myself. "What is she thinking about beyond kissing?"

He shook his head, trying to shake me off. He saw my expression and knew I wasn't backing down. "She's curious in a… an anatomical way."

"An anatomical way? What does that mean? His werewolf genetics?"

"No." He chuckled without humor. "More along the lines of men's anatomies."

"Naked? She wants to know what he looks like naked? "

"Don't panic, love. It's normal. I've discussed this with Carlisle and he assures me-"

"You discussed it with Carlisle? You _knew_ this already? I thought this was just from today? How long has she been thinking these things?"

If I could cry, I definitely would have. Having a husband who could read minds was torture. These were things I shouldn't even know; the things you hide from your parents. I shouldn't have to worry about these things.

"Bella, calm down," he told me wearily, pinching the bridge of his nose. I looked up as he stood before me, his gaze never wavering from my eyes. "Is it really because she's so young? Or is there another reason why you're reacting this way?" he asked me quietly.

"She's too young," I answered quickly.

"Okay." He placed his hands on my shoulders. "Don't worry, then. It's under control."

I wished I believed him.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

The house shook and the windows rattled as the door slamming at full force knocked me from my meditative state. I hadn't noticed that it had grown dark outside.

"Ness?" I heard Edward call her.

"I'm going upstairs to clean up!" she yelled. Her voice sounded tight and it wavered as she spoke. I sat up in my chair, listening.

"Are you alright?"

I turned toward the front entry. Edward was at the foot of the stairs, having just come from the library. Renesmee was halfway up the staircase, her head down and her back to him.

"I'm fine, Dad. I just want to take a shower. There's blood in my hair." She ran the rest of the way up the stairs before he could respond.

I heard him make a sound that was halfway between a sigh and a moan.

"What?"

"Rejection hurts," was all he said. Then he turned and went back into the library.

**XXXXXXXXXX**


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: I want to thank goldengilrl2707 for making me not one, but two amazing banners for my story. She did such a great job, I couldn't make up my mind which one to use, so I decided I'm using them both! Also thank you to the great beta's at Project Team Beta who work so quickly and efficiently and for free._

**Chapter Two**

**JPOV**

_Fuck!_

What did I expect? I knew this day would come eventually. But, _fuck_! She was still so young. She totally blind-sided me, and I was so shocked and surprised, I made it worse. As if it could be worse.

I didn't know what to do. Who could I go to? Who could I talk to? Who would understand this? Who could help me make sense of this crazy shit-fest? I thought of going to Carlisle, but he was too close to the situation. I knew he would remain calm and impassive and that was what I needed, but I still felt he was too emotionally involved, and hell… I'd admit it; I was embarrassed.

Edward had the advantage of reading her mind and giving me some insight on how to proceed, but I _couldn't _go to him! If I thought Carlisle was too closely involved, Edward was much worse. I'm sure his fatherly instincts would be to try to kick my ass first and ask questions later. I didn't need to add insult to injury to the situation by beating the shit out of Edward, no matter how much better that would have made me feel.

No, I needed someone who could relate to the unique situation. There was only one person who came remotely close. Quil. He was imprinted and would understand that it wasn't like I could just walk away and start over, which is what I wished I could do. That was an impossibility, and Quil knew that. He'd also understand the grotesqueness of the age factor.

The added twist in this was that Nessie didn't look five years old.

I was going to be sick.

_God_. I wanted to beat my head against a tree, and I would if I'd thought it would help. I didn't know if I was more angry or scared shitless. I knew I shouldn't be mad at her. I mean, it wasn't her fault. Least of anyone, it wasn't her fault. She was a little girl, and I just was not going _there_ with her.

I mean, I was normal. Jesus, I had feelings like that. Feelings that I'd had to squelch; shrink-wrap and stick away in some faraway place so I wouldn't have to look at them or deal with them until a later date. But I was twenty-one. A twenty-one year old virgin.

Fuck my life.

I did have those feelings, but they weren't for Nessie. I'd give up sex forever before I'd touch her _that way_. At least until she was… I don't know, thirty or something.

In the beginning, I'd been confused. The imprint was so overwhelming. I'd thrown myself into the distraction of having someone else besides Bellato focus on, care about and be fascinated with. It was wonderful. Then as time went on and we all settled into our new roles, I became the brother. The protective, concerned big brother. And then, somewhat of a mentor.

But this?

_Fuck_.

I had to find Quil and talk to him before anyone found out what had gone down in the woods with Nessie. I tried to tell myself to stop freaking out so much, it really hadn't been that big a deal. But to me, it was.

Because I knew the first step had been taken, and Nessie was not one to back down.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**RPOV**

I wanted to scream into my pillow and throw things as hard as I could against the wall! But _they_ would hear me. And I was not telling them anything! My stupid father and his stupid mind-reading. He was pretty cool about keeping his mouth shut, but if my mother ever found out…

I lay prone on my bed and kicked my legs in frustration. I looked down at the black lace top that Auntie Rose had bought for me to wear today, and with a stifled cry I ripped the front of it open, the silver eyelets bursting off and flying through the air.

_I'm so stupid!_

Everyone in this family was prettier and smarter than me.

_Now Renesmee,_ I could hear my father's always calm, rational voice tell me_, that's because we've had years to learn how to do all these things. You will too, one day._

But I didn't want to know all these things _some day_ – I wanted to know everything and be everything and have everything _now_!

I laid my forehead against my forearms. What made me think he would want me?

_They_ all looked like porcelain, with their perfect flawless skin. I was too skinny, had stupid red hair, and a flat chest.

But Jax…

He was beautiful. Bronzed and smooth, with a perfect smile that made me warm inside.

I stood up from the bed and savagely tore the rest of the lacy top open and threw it across the room. There was still blood on my chest and in my hair from the stag that he'd taken down earlier. I licked my palm and rubbed it away. Then I unsnapped my jeans and slid them down my thighs. I hooked my fingers in my panties, but decided to leave them on. There was hair there now and to be honest, it kind of freaked me out.

I felt freaky enough with Grandpa always studying and measuring me, poking me. Even though he'd stopped doing it so frequently, I still saw his eyes looking me over constantly, mentally calculating, like I was some kind of grotesque science project.

That's exactly what I was. I was so grotesque I wasn't even allowed to wander freely among other people.

_That's not why, and you know it,_ my subconscious chided me.

So I wasn't grotesque, but I was still a freak. I waited a beat, but my subconscious didn't have a rebuttal to that.

I leaned back against my dresser and slid to the floor. I drew my knees up and rested my forehead against them. The tears spilled over and silently ran down my face.

We hadn't gone far when we'd left the house to hunt. I was hoping I could get him to trek up beyond the canyon where we usually hunted. But he'd complained that he'd eaten too much, joking that he'd not only eaten his own share of supper, but mine too, so as not to hurt Auntie Alice's feelings.

Dusk was falling, so we didn't have to wait too long before the wildlife began coming down to drink from the stream.

I was sitting on a large boulder by the water, Jacob lying beside me, his muzzle in my lap. I was petting him absently when we both smelled the stag making its way to the stream with trepidation. It must have smelled us, too. Jacob had it down on the ground before it even spotted us. Its thick throat was between his jaws as its legs flailed and its eyes bugged. Jacob bit down on its jugular and the stag's eyes glazed and its body ceased movement.

Jacob ripped the neck and belly open and backed away, letting me drink. He usually ate a small portion of the flesh just to keep me company, but he'd warned me beforehand that he was too full tonight. He didn't really like to eat raw animal flesh unless absolutely necessary. He much preferred my mother's cooked meals and fast food from town. But for me, he usually partook so I didn't drink alone.

I rested my head against the giant buck, my arms wrapped around its neck, my fingers smoothing over the soft fur like the satin on a baby's blanket as I drank. Jacob slipped into the trees to phase back. By the time he rejoined me, I was done.

I wiped my mouth, and sat back on my haunches as he squat beside me. I watched him haul the stag by the horns into the trees, where the buzzards and other scavengers would pick and eat it down to the bones. The animal was huge, but Jacob dragged it around as if it were a rag doll.

Then he shook his shoulder-length hair from his eyes, lifted his arms over his head and executed a perfect dive from a fallen tree into the cold water.

"You coming in, Ness?" he hollered to me. His voice echoed through the canyon.

I shook my head, mesmerized as he glided through the water, his powerful arms slicing the surface and propelling him quickly downstream. He did an underwater somersault and came back against the current, the way he'd started, like he was doing laps. I watched him, spellbound. His thick calves pounding the water as he went back and forth. Finally, he stopped suddenly and made a triumphant whoop. Smiling, he waded his way through the stream to where I was sitting.

He pointed to his dripping hair against his shoulder. "You've got blood in your hair, angel," he told me absently, before throwing himself down on the rocks beside me to dry off.

I could see his heart thumping with exertion from his workout, just underneath his sternum. Water ran down his sides, staining the slate gray rocks beneath him. His feet were sprawled out, and I couldn't help grinning as the line from one of my favorite fairy tales ran through my head, and I said it out loud.

"Grandma, what big feet you have!"

"The better to kick you with, my dear," he chuckled, his eyes still closed.

"Grandma," I said, giggling, edging closer to them. "You've got hairy toes!"

"Leave my toes alone!"

"Ew, Jax, you've got hella hairy legs!"

"Hey, watch your mouth, and leave this hairy beast alone."

I reached out tentatively and ran my hand up over the thick black hair of his shins and over his knee, toward the perfectly smooth lower section of his thighs. He bolted upright, reaching out and pulling my hand away so fast it hurt my shoulder.

"Knock it off, Ness. Keep your hands to yourself."

Was it my imagination or was he mad at me? I lay down alongside him and snuggled into his side. I felt him stiffen for the slightest second, and then he put his arm around me like he always did.

I watched his diaphragm as he breathed in and out, and slowly my inhalations and exhalations matched his. I could feel myself getting sleepy as his warmth cocooned me, and then I remembered something. I looked up at his closed eyes.

"Don't you want to know what I wished for?" I whispered.

"What'd you wish for, Ness?" he murmured.

I opened my mouth and I found the words would not come out. They stuck right in my throat. I frowned, and glancing down I noticed I'd gotten blood on his stomach from my hair that was slick with it in one section. It was starting to get dark outside, so the blood was almost black instead of red in the fading light.

"Why is your torso so smooth when your legs are so hairy?" I saw his abdominals tighten when I touched them with my fingertip and ran it up over the grooves where the blood had gathered and stained him. Without thinking or knowing why, I bent my head down and licked the remaining blood from his belly.

Sitting up in a rush, he gripped my shoulders and pushed me away from him.

We stared at each other. Me, in bewilderment and him in anger.

He swallowed thickly. "Don't ever do that again!" he hollered at me.

In the next second he was on his feet and jogging toward the path that led home.

I slowly got to my feet and stayed back as I followed him toward the house. He slowed his gait as we approached the last quarter mile. He went straight to the big house, while I turned off toward the cottage. He didn't say goodbye. He didn't even turn back and look at me the whole way.

So much for birthday wishes.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**BPOV**

Rosalie looked up at me as I stalked into her room and threw the book on her bed.

She looked down at it, then back up at me before cocking one eyebrow at me sarcastically and remained mute.

"Romeo and Juliet?"

She blinked at me, still silent.

I tossed the second book down on top of the first.

"Perfect Chemistry?"

The last one I chucked across the room, where it hit the wall and I saw the paint dust cloud and float toward the floor. "Forever? Judy Blume? What the hell, Rose? The last two are like YA porn! Why are you giving her this crap to read?"

Rosalie's expression remained deadpan, as if I were so crazy, she refused to even acknowledge my outburst.

"I really don't want her reading this kind of stuff, Rose. If I find anymore, I'm going to have to tell Edward."

"Why don't you do that?" she said, turning her head back to her own book, dismissing me. "And why don't you find a hobby or something while you're at it? Maybe gardening, or painting or something. Take a class. Then maybe you can stop with the obsessive compulsive cleaning and going through your daughter's things, and give your neurotic tendencies something else to focus on."

"Don't turn this around on me," I told her, hurt.

Rose knew my sore spots and exactly which buttons to push. I'd always had a hard time filling the long days since I'd become a vampire. All I'd thought about was being with Edward forever, but twenty-four hour days with no reprieve of sleep left a lot of time to be filled, and I didn't really have any hobbies.

This last year the boredom had really become a problem. Edward was beginning to grow tired of me looking to him to entertain me. He'd tried to teach me about music and play the piano, but I'd rather just listen to him play. I hated to shop, and never shared Alice's passion for fashion.

The only thing I had done for recreational fun as a human was ride the bikes with Jacob. But I didn't really see much of Jacob anymore, unless it had something to do with Renesmee.

"Look," I said, softening my voice. "She is five years old, and –"

"She's fifteen."

"No, she's not. She looks fifteen, but she does not have the experience and the years of a fifteen-year -old. So I would appreciate it if you would stop giving her these kinds of books to read. It can only be confusing to her."

I went to the door to leave.

"Confusing to her or to you?"

Common sense told me to ignore her, but of course I didn't. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"I mean, is the fact that Nessie is blossoming into a young woman what worries you? Or the fact that other people may be noticing?"

I knew exactly what my sweet sister-in-law was implying, but I didn't jump to the bait. "What other people?"

"Maybe you're worried that Jacob is looking at Nessie in a new way."

"Jacob doesn't see Nessie that way."

So she'd noticed, too.

I left the room and closed the door before she tried to continue the conversation.

"Maybe it's time to cut the cord, Bella. On both of them." I heard her murmur.

**XXXXXXXXXX**


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Thank you to my new beta, RaindropSoup. It took me a while to find her, but she goes through my chapters with a fine-tooth comb. Thanks bb!_

_Also, JBNP is having their Three Year Anniversary Celebration, and you can go over there now and nominate all your favorite fics. Show all the wolf-pack authors your appreciation by voting for the stories they've worked so hard on for your enjoyment. _

_As a quick refresher, these are a few of my one-shots that are eligible, if you care to vote for me! Sweet Hostage , If Only... , Valentine's Day Award Winner Little Pieces of My Heart Differentiating Porn , Honorable Mention Winner Loads of Time , and Dark Side _

**Chapter Three**

**BPOV**

The rain was coming down and the sporadic flash of lightning would cross the horizon as I sat rocking mindlessly on the front porch. I could hear strains of Bach wafting from the music room as I stared, breathing in the clean, moist air. I missed sleep, but found that if I sat and cleared my mind, focusing on the wind or the patter of the rain, I could go into a deep meditative state that was almost as good.

Almost.

Sometimes, I even had the equivalent of dreams, though my eyes were open and my senses were still aware.

Sometimes the dreams contained hazy visuals, and sometimes they were just memories or snippets of past conversations. I was in the midst of one of these "dreams" as a sense of happiness – a giddiness, almost - washed over me. There was a warm, burning sensation in my nose; it felt at once unpleasant, yet at the same time brought a smile to my face.

The rain took on a more perceived effect, almost like I was hearing it in stereo, present time and past. In the background, I could hear the soft hum of a motor and the clink of metal tools as they worked with purpose on some unknown project. A heat surrounded my body as if scorching hot arms had thrown themselves around me, and an instantly-recognizable deep, husky chuckle stirred in my ear. My eyes opened instantly and the dream faded as I found myself back on the porch, the rocking chair completely still.

_The garage_.

I'd been back in La Push, drinking warm soda with Jacob. I hadn't thought of those days in years. But his laugh had been so clear and distinct, I could have sworn the air swirled, blowing my hair lightly around my ear.

I stood and opened the front door, reaching inside and grabbing my jacket off the coat rack just beside it. Placing it over my head, I ran with vampire speed toward the storage garage. My family loved their cars, and we had many. The boys alone had eleven between them. Esme, Rosalie, and Alice all had two apiece. I was the oddball with only one: my Mercedes Guardian.

The storage garage that housed our cars was Jacob's home away from home. This was where he spent most of his time, sleeping in a studio just above it. He also put a lot of time into maintaining and working on the cars. He'd accumulated a few of his own during the last five years, that he'd rebuilt and was very proud of.

I wasn't surprised when I punched in the security code, letting myself in, and found him there. He was tossing something into the trunk of his old Rabbit.

"Bella. What are you doing here? I just did your brakes last month; it's not time for a tune-up yet."

"No, no. The brakes are fine," I assured him.

"Then what's the matter?"

I couldn't tell him I'd been drawn here from a dream. He'd think I was crazy. Besides, I think his memory of our past and the old days were even hazier than mine because of the imprint.

"What's the matter, Bella?" he asked me again, impatiently.

"Nothing is the matter," I told him, irritated at his tone. "Why would you automatically assume something is wrong?"

He shrugged. "You don't normally come out here unless you need me to do something for you." He opened the driver's side door of the Rabbit and leaned against it, waiting to see what I wanted.

"Really?" I murmured. That bothered me. Our relationship had changed so drastically. It saddened me that it seemed we had slowly evolved into nothing more than acquaintances.

"Didn't we used to hang out?" I asked so softly, it seemed I was asking it of myself.

He looked at me curiously before his face hardened.

"A long time ago," he said brusquely. "Look, I've got to get out of here. Did you need something?"

I wasn't sure what to say. I wanted to somehow acknowledge my dream and let him know I remembered, even if he didn't. I wanted him to know that I knew he was here for a bigger reason - one that went beyond the imprint. He was here because we were once important to each other, too.

"I never see you anymore," I mumbled.

"Huh, you see me almost every day," he replied, curious at my statement.

I shook my head. "But, I see you as my daughter's …"

His eyes narrowed after my hesitation. "Your daughter's _what_?"

_Imprint_.

I hated to use the word. I never liked the term and all that it implied. It had always been a scary word to me, but not as frightening as it used to be to Jacob. It was like a threat. Like the boogeyman under a child's bed if they dared to get up in the middle of the night. I couldn't think of any other word that was appropriate, though.

"We used to be friends," I whispered.

"Funny how things change, isn't it?"

We looked at each other, and the distance between us might as well have been miles. When I didn't respond, he got in his car and drove off.

XXXXXXXXXX

**JPOV**

I hadn't meant to be such a jerk, but I had enough on my mind with Nessie.

Bella never came out to the car garage unless she needed something. Bella hardly talked to me anymore unless she needed something.

It hadn't always been like that. When Nessie was little, Bella would come out hunting with us, and sometimes play games and watch corny kid shows. But the last year, she'd become … distant with both of us.

When she had Nessie and became a vampire, she'd changed. She'd treated me differently. I'd assumed it was part of the whole "newborn" thing. It was supposed to take a while for all the faded human memories and emotions to come back. But we'd both been obsessed with Ness, and at least shared that, so I hadn't thought about it too much.

Hell, I'd gone from thinking I'd never see Bella again, to thinking she was dead for good. And then I supernaturally became part of her family as her … I guess if the stories and legends are true, her future son-in-law.

Talk about a mindfuck.

But lately, her disinterest in me somehow seemed to turn to disdain. I guess she was freaking out about all the changes that Nessie was going through, too. It was hard to see her as a baby one minute, and then you turn around, and BAM! She looked like a redheaded Megan Fox.

_Shit_.

I stepped on the gas pedal. I needed to talk to Quil.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**EPOV**

I sat at Carlisle's mahogany desk, my head in my hands. I'd looked at every damn book in the library. And Carlisle had a lot of books. No one was more fascinated by my daughter than my father was, and he had invested in more bloody books for, and about, the stages of female development from childhood through adulthood; I'm surprised Barnes and Noble hadn't retired.

If I was annoying before, everyone in the house was avoiding me now, hiding their thoughts about Renesmee from me. The one person whose psyche I longed to get a peek at had always been closed off to me.

Bella had been extremely emotional at the birthday party yesterday, and I longed to know whether it was because of our daughter's impending surge into puberty, or if there was something more.

Why did it have to be Jacob, of all people? His relationship with my small immediate family was … strange, to say the least. No matter how often I told myself that Bella loved me, had chosen _me_ all those years ago, there was always that nagging little voice in the back of my head whispering "_she was in love with him, too."_

And the boy was a werewolf, a creature whose ultimate - and only - goal was to kill vampires.

I rubbed my temples. This whole situation gave me a headache. And since I had no blood flow to constrict, I shouldn't get headaches!

Every time I looked at Nessie, her eyes seemed to be glued to Jacob. Every time I looked at Bella, her gaze was locked on Jacob, as well. Nessie, I understood. She loved Jacob - she'd loved him her whole life - and now that love was changing.

Over the last two years, Nessie began to refrain from touching anyone. When she was a child, she shared her thoughts and feelings generously, reveling in the simplicity of being able to communicate emotionally with a touch. She could share her perceptions and her needs so easily. Now she kept them to herself. I was pretty sure that was normal for a teenager, as did everyone else in the house, so we didn't force the issue. From the thoughts that I was able to catch from her, what she had for Jacob was a crush.

But what was my wife's excuse?

_She's jealous_.

Jealous of her own daughter. I didn't have to read her mind to recognize it. I'd seen the same look on Jacob's face every time he'd looked at me, years ago. Maybe Bella's wasn't as intense as Jacob's had been, but that was because, unlike Jacob, Bella didn't want to wipe her competitor out to clear the playing field. Bella _did_ love her daughter. But that wouldn't stop her from being envious of her.

And where was Jacob in all this? The last time I'd been in the same room with him and was able to dip into his head, he was clueless. He loved my daughter unconditionally and would do anything for her in a pure, untainted way.

I still sensed a love in his head for my wife, but it was like a fire that had been put out, and just the smoke from the dying embers remained, intangible and harmless. The boy who had been so damn persistent and relentless before Renesmee was born had shifted his life toward my daughter.

My fear was that Nessie's burgeoning adolescence awakened something in Bella. Something I thought had been resolved years ago.

I hoped I was wrong.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**JPOV**

"Jacob! Yo, man." Quil stood on the front porch in just a pair of black sweats, no shoes on his feet.

I couldn't help smiling as I walked up the stairs toward my brother and pack mate.

"Who's that?" A little girl whispered, her head hanging way back as she looked up at Quil.

"That's Uncle Jacob. Don't you remember Uncle Jake?" Quil whispered loudly in her ear.

I stopped in my tracks, putting on a fake pout. "You don't remember me?"

The little girl shook her head, looking up at Quil to help her out.

"Hey man, you don't come by often enough. See what happens? You're forgotten."

"Yeah, well, that works both ways, bro." I roughly grabbed hold of Quil's hand and shook it.

"No way, man. I'm sorry, but that house just creeps me out. I don't know how you do it. No offense. I just can't be around them unless it's absolutely necessary. But you always have an open invitation here."

"Thanks," I told him, before squatting down, making my height more compatible to the little girl still wrapped around Quil's legs. "Hey, Claire. You really don't remember me? We used to play Chutes and Ladders and Candyland. And you always beat me!"

"Yeah, watch your back! She's moved on to No Peeky poker! She'll take your money, too."

"I believe it," I murmured, smoothing the little girl's dark hair while she smiled shyly at me. I stood back up and ran my hand through my own hair. "I need to talk to you, man."

"Yeah, that's what you said." Quil shook his leg lightly. "Claire, sweetheart? Go on in and turn the TV on. _iCarly_ is coming on in a little bit."

"Okay." She let go of Quil's legs, turned and ran toward the house, stopping short of the front door and turning back to me. "Bye."

"Bye, Clairebear." Her smile grew bigger at her nickname, and she scrambled into the house. "She's getting big."

"Yeah, tell me about," he said, stretching.

"She's a cutie pie."

"Yeah, she is. But you didn't come all the way out here to talk about how cute Claire is. What's up, Jake?"

Great. I didn't know how to start. "How's it going with Claire?"

Quil stared at me oddly. "What do you mean? It's fine. She's seven. We watch Disney and play games, and she tells me about her day at school and which kids are nice to her and which kids are mean. What do you want to know?"

"I mean … are you still waiting around for her to grow up? Do you get impatient waiting? Have you dated any grown-up girls your own age? Do you want to date? Do you –"

"Hold on! Geez, slow down. I don't want to date. I know that's weird, and the other guys give me a hard time, but I'm just not interested. I do know it has to be because of the imprint, cos man, you remember what I was like before. I was obsessed with girls."

I nodded. It was true. The old Quil hit on any girl with a pulse.

"I'm pretty content with the way things are, Jake. I just enjoy making sure she's happy and being around her, in her company. That's it. Plain and simple."

"Yeah, that's pretty much how I feel," I told him. "But lately …"

I did not know how the hell to say this without sounding like some kind of pedophile. "She's growing up, man. She's a half-breed, so she's only five years old, but dude, she's like fifteen years old. And she's … changing. She's … acting weird."

"Whoa, that's right. I haven't seen her since she was about three, so she was only a little older than Claire now. That's freaky, man. But what do you mean, she's acting weird?"

"She kinda came on to me the other day."

Quil's eyebrows disappeared up under his hairline. "Holy shit! What did you do? What did _she_ do?"

I shook my head. Maybe I was making a bigger deal out of this than it was. Maybe it had been totally innocent and I was freaking out over nothing. Retelling it made it feel stupid. But he hadn't seen the look in her eyes. "I don't know. She just kept kinda … touching me. And then she-she licked me."

"She licked you?"

He started laughing, and I wanted to punch him.

"It's not funny. We'd just hunted, and there was some blood on my stomach, and she licked it off, and I just … I don't know. It freaked me out, Quil." I ran my hand through my hair. "Hey man, stop laughing. You're going to have to deal with this shit in a few years, too."

That sobered him up right away.

"You've got to talk to her, Jacob. Explain that she's still a little girl – that you see her as a little girl. I mean, you do, right? But then again, if she's fifteen, she's probably …" He made an hourglass shape with his two hands, and I wanted to punch him again.

"I don't see her like that. I just- I can't. I don't know if I'll ever see her as anything other than this sweet little girl I want to protect. You know?"

Quil nodded thoughtfully. "I get it. I don't know how I'll ever transition into _that_ role when the time comes. It's kinda creepy." He sat down on the front step. "What do her parents say? I'm surprised Edward doesn't have her tied up in her room with a chastity belt locked on her."

"Edward hasn't said anything to me, but he must know. If anyone knows, he does. Bella is the one that's been acting weird, glaring at me all the time. Then today, just before I left to come here, she came out to the car garage where the Cullens keep their fifty million cars and asked me 'didn't we used to hang out?' I almost fell on the floor. Bella never goes out there unless she needs something done to her car. I don't know."

"Weird," he agreed. He wasn't very helpful, but it was nice to have someone to talk to about all this. "Well, at least Edward didn't go all crazy-bloodsucker-dad on you."

"Yeah."

Why _hadn't _Edward said anything to me? Maybe his old-fashioned Victorian-era ways had him all embarrassed. He obviously knew I wasn't contemplating changing the dynamics with Ness. But there hadn't even been a warning from him. That was odd. The old leech usually liked to get his two cents- worth in there, just to be annoying.

I spent the rest of the afternoon and evening at Quil's. We ordered a pizza, and Embry came by. Claire took hers into the living room and watched TV while the three of us laughed and talked. Aside from Quil constantly glancing into the next room to check on Claire, it was great. He really had it bad.

I would have to make a point of doing this more often. I missed the guys.

I went by and visited my dad too, so by the time I got back to the Cullens', it was late.

Quil hadn't given me any earth-shattering helpful advice, but I was glad I had made the trip and talked everything out with someone. Someone who wouldn't judge me or run away screaming on hearing the craziness that was my life.

I was just going to have to have a talk with Nessie. I hoped I could do that without hurting her feelings or humiliating her.

Or myself.

**XXXXXXXXXX**


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Just want to give a quick shout-out to my awesome (and quick) beta, Raindrop Soup! _

**Chapter Four**

**RPOV**

Three days had passed and I hadn't seen Jax since my birthday. I had calmed down a little since then, but I still felt stupid if I dwelled on it.

I didn't know what had come over me that day. I had just wanted to touch him, to … I don't know. He had been so close and felt so good, and the idea of kissing the hard muscles of his abs had just overwhelmed me. Then I saw the blood, and it seemed like killing two birds with one stone to lick off the blood, and press my lips against him, too. I hadn't expected him to get so mad. I thought he might laugh and push me away, but I never thought he'd get angry.

"What are you over there looking so serious about, little girl?"

Auntie Rose had coaxed me into taking a walk with her and looking for a snack. My family usually went on a big hunt once a week or two, which meant a trek high up in the mountains for bigger game, like bear and mountain lion. But deer and the occasional bobcat were close enough to hold them over in between feedings. They usually took turns in groups of two or four. Sometimes I was allowed to go, but for the most part, it was just the adults. My mother was always afraid a bear would grab me when no one was looking. Right. Like that would happen.

I didn't really like the thick, fatty taste of bear blood, anyway. Deer blood was less viscous, and sweeter.

"Nothing, really," I lied.

She gave me a knowing smile, like she didn't believe me. Auntie Rose had always been able to read me like a book. She may not have been able to read minds like my father, but she could always decipher the tone of my voice and the expression on my face. I was thankful when she didn't push the subject.

"So, did you get everything you wanted for your birthday?"

I took that back – maybe she _was_ pushing the subject in her own subtle way.

"Pretty much." Instinctively, my fingers went to the castle charm, casually stringing it back and forth on its silver chain.

Auntie Rose glanced over and bent closer, slowing down. "Is that the necklace that Jacob gave you? Let me see."

I stopped and let her take it from my hand. She studied it quickly, before letting it drop back against my chest. "Pretty. Nice little diamond, too."

I smiled proudly. "It was from his mom's wedding ring."

"Hmm. One of these days he'll be giving you a diamond ring of your own."

I stumbled in surprise. She said it so casually, as if she knew it for a fact. "You think so?" I breathed.

"Of course, silly." She squinted at me, and I couldn't figure out if she was shocked or disgusted. "Hasn't Jacob or your mother discussed any of this with you?"

"Any of what?" I thought my Auntie Alice was the one with the 411 on the future, not my mother or Jax. What was she saying?

"Haven't they talked about the future with you? Or discussed your relationship with Jacob, now that you're getting older?"

"No-oo. Why would Jax give me a diamond ring?" I was too embarrassed to tell her that he was mad at me, and I hadn't even spoken to him in days. I didn't know what she was thinking, but she was wrong. I _wished_ she were right.

I hadn't told anyone what my birthday wish was, but it hadn't even come close to coming true. It wasn't that big a wish. I had really, secretly hoped for more, but wouldn't allow myself to get ridiculous with my wish. That would be jinxing it, so it would never come true.

I had watched an old movie last week. It was called _Sixteen Candles_, and the girl in the movie had red hair, just like me. It had been her birthday, her sixteenth birthday, which was older than me, but close enough. Not only that, the boy she liked, his name was Jake. At the very end, Jake celebrated her birthday with her, and after she blew out the candles, he kissed her. She admitted that was what she had wished for, and so it came true.

That was my _real _wish. My _secret_ wish that I didn't dare think when I blew out the candles the other day. I aimed smaller. Instead, I just wished that Jacob saw me as beautiful and would tell me so. But instead, I'd pissed him off. He'd pushed me away and I think he was avoiding me.

"What's the matter, baby? You look like you're about to cry. Did I say something wrong?"

"No." I sniffed and forced the tears back. "Auntie Rose, why would Jax give me a ring?"

She stroked my hair, and I saw her guard go up, as sure as my mother's shield. The conversation was over. "That's something you should discuss with your mother, baby. Forget I even said anything."

Before I could protest, she flew toward the brush with dizzying speed and swiped a doe right off its feet, onto the ground. It looked almost like a dance move-the way she flew, lunged, and gracefully swept the deer to the forest floor.

We shared the spoils before disposing of the body. Then we hiked back to the big house, while my aunt was careful to keep the conversation focused on mundane things. I tried to steer it back to our previous discussion, but she managed to dodge the fray.

My aunt had opened up a Pandora's Box of questions that afternoon, and I would be hard-pressed to forget them soon.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**RPOV continued…**

After the talk with my aunt, I went back to the big house with her. We came up the stairs, and I could see someone was in the kitchen with the refrigerator door wide open. Seeing as how only one other person in this crazy family ate food, it had to be Jax.

Auntie Rose continued up the second flight of stairs to her and Uncle Emmett's room as I decided to say hello to Jacob. He turned around, a plate of fried chicken in his hand, and nudged the fridge door shut with his foot.

"Hey, Ness." He smiled tightly. He was wearing a pair of dark denim jeans, and I couldn't help but notice he went immediately for the t-shirt he'd discarded on the counter, pulling it on over his head as soon as I came in.

"Chicken?" he asked me, holding out a drumstick he'd taken a bite out of already.

"No. You?" I asked facetiously, hoping he caught the innuendo in my question. I could tell from the way he gulped that he understood exactly what I meant.

The air in the room was charged with tension, as if he wanted to bolt. But he forced himself into a seat at the kitchen table and continued to eat the cold fried chicken.

"So, I'm glad you're here. I've been meaning to talk to you," he told me.

Leaning against the refrigerator door, I waited for him to go on.

"About the other day …" There was a long silence. He obviously didn't know how to proceed.

"Yes?" I prompted him.

"I hope you know I'm not mad at you. I know it seemed like I was angry, but I really wasn't, angel."

"You could have fooled me." I grabbed a strand of my hair and began twirling it around my finger. It was a nervous habit. "What did I do?" I whispered.

"You didn't do anything," he said adamantly. "I want you to know - sit down, Ness." He gestured to the chair next to him. I warily shuffled over and sat beside him. He took my hand earnestly. "You know I adore you, don't you? You have always been one of the most amazing things to happen in my life. You will always be important to me, and I hope that I'm important to you."

"You're my favorite person in the world!" I effused.

"Well …" He smiled. "I hope I'm one of the most important _adults_ in your life."

His eyes burned into mine as he emphasized the word "adults." He was putting me in my place. How had I ever thought he might see me _that_ way? And why had Auntie Rose gotten my hopes all up with her talk of me and Jax?

"You are," I agreed. "And next year, I'll be an adult, too." _There_. I'd gotten the ball back in my court.

He knit his brow. "You will. But you'll always be my sweet little Nessie. You have to understand … it's very hard for me to see you as anything other than a little girl, angel. And I –"

"But I'm not." I cut him off. "I'm not a little girl anymore. In a couple of years, I'll be as old as you. Full adulthood – as old as I'll ever get - according to Grandpa."

The furrow in his brow got deeper. "Yes, and no matter how old you get, you'll always be a little girl to me."

"You said that already." I scowled. "And that's ridiculous. I'm _not_ a little girl!"

"Well, sometimes when someone has been around since another person was an infant, it's very hard for them to see the other as anything but a child. Even when they're old and gray."

"No one in this house will ever be old and gray."

He looked like he wanted to argue with me, but he didn't.

"I know what this is really about. This is about the other day, on my birthday. You didn't like it when I … when I licked the blood off you." My last words were so quiet, I hoped he heard me.

He had that look on his face again, like he wanted to bolt from the room.

"Angel." He took my hand. "That was inappropriate. I'm a grown man, and that could be … misconstrued. I know you meant no harm by it, but if anyone else had seen, it wouldn't … well, it wouldn't look right. There are boundaries that need to be kept. You are getting bigger, and what was acceptable when you were a little girl, isn't anymore."

"Why?"

"Well, because …" He growled under his breath in frustration. "What you did could be mistaken for something sexual, and that's not the kind of relationship that we have."

My cheeks grew hot and I looked down at the floor. "Why not?"

"Well, because…"

"Why not?" I asked him again, louder this time.

"Because –"

"Why not?" I hollered.

"Because I don't feel that way about you!" he yelled back. He dropped my hand and stood up abruptly from the table, leaving the room quickly.

My heart was hammering fast and hard, and my fists were clenched at my sides. I closed my eyes and tried to pretend I hadn't heard him say that.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**BPOV**

Edward, Jasper, and Emmett left earlier in the day and would be gone for two nights. Emmett had been a bit of an outdoorsman before his deadly run-in with a bear and still enjoyed camping, fishing, and hiking. Not to mention hunting. Especially bear.

Rosalie had spent the afternoon with Renesmee, and I was bored at the cottage by myself, so I headed up to visit the females in my family.

I was coming up the path to the driveway, which led down and around to the front walkway, when I heard a door slamming, immediately followed by Jacob's scent. As much as I'd always hated my family trading insults with the pack on individual odors, there was truth to the wet dog smell. I didn't find it as offensive as they implied, but there was a definite correlation between the two scents.

Jacob had his head down, heading away from the house with a strong, determined gait. When he looked up from the ground, I gave him a warm smile that he didn't return. His eyes were flashing, and there was a strong electric current crackling all around him.

I blinked in surprise at the intensity coming off him in waves, but his gaze held mine. Just before he reached me, I said his name tentatively.

"Jacob? What's the matter?"

He didn't slow down, and he didn't answer. He grabbed both my arms in his hands, his heat searing right through the thin fabric of my blouse. He pulled me roughly against him and bent his head down, pressing his lips against mine. The softness and the heat of his mouth instantly ignited a blazing fire that shot through me.

He removed his hands from my upper arms and grasped the back of my head, holding my face in place roughly. It lasted only a moment, and just as quickly and without a word, he let go of me and continued toward the trees beyond the drive.

My hand flew to my mouth, and as I metaphorically caught my breath, I turned to see him head on into the woods.

"Jacob!" I called. He ignored me, and I started after him, picking up speed so I wouldn't lose him. "Jake!"

As I caught up to him, he began a slow jog. Then with a loud pop, he exploded, making a run for it on all fours into the woods.

"Jacob!" I ran after him, but he managed to evade me, twisting and turning in his tracks, dodging through the brush, trying to lose me.

I was fast. But he was faster.

I got a flash of him just as he tore through a clearing and leaped into the underbrush. I jumped and cleared a mass of bushes and came around a huge pine tree. I stopped in my tracks immediately, skidding on the pine needles at the jet propulsion of my abruptness.

He stood naked before me, only an arm's length distance away. I would have barreled through him if my reflexes weren't so acute.

"Jake?" My voice came out weak and shaky. "What's wrong?" I reached out to touch his shoulder, but hesitated, stopping before my hand made contact.

I could see his chest rapidly rising and falling with every breath he took. I knew he wasn't that exerted from running – he'd once run ten miles up the side of a mountain while carrying me in his arms, never breaking a sweat, or breathing heavily at all.

His eyes still shone brightly, as if a fire was lit behind the dark irises.

"I can't do this anymore."

I shook my head, unsure of what he meant.

"Do you hear me?" He started toward me, and I backed up a few steps. "I can't do it anymore."

I felt my back hit the rough bark of a sturdy pine. "Then don't," I whispered.

What he said made no sense, but staring into his eyes, I saw the garbled message behind his words. I recognized his heated look, and I could see the long-held frustration behind them.

"Bella."

I was afraid to say anything. I didn't want to admit aloud the mistakes that I'd made and the choices I wished I could change. If I held it in and said nothing, but allowed him to do what he wanted, would it be admitting defeat? I just wanted to stay silent and let him have his way with me, satisfying us both, somehow keeping the blame off me. Not that I would hold it against him, but my conscience would be clearer if I didn't admit to myself that I was praying it was lust radiating off him.

"God help me," he murmured.

He pressed himself against me, shoving my back against the tree. I felt him shiver at the touch of my cool skin against him before he crashed his mouth against mine. He was taken aback at the sturdiness of my lips, and he pulled his face away slightly, fitting his lips around mine more gently.

I wanted to dip my tongue in his mouth and taste him, like I had on a mountaintop long, long ago. So many of my human memories had faded, but that kiss and the consequent vision was one thing I would never forget. Nothing I'd ever experienced could rival the emotions and longing his kisses evoked in me that day. I was not proud to admit it was something I had thought of and re-lived many times over the past year. I would never experience anything like it again, and I was grateful to have at least that one memory of a human kiss.

There was always a heated passion about Jacob that went beyond his werewolf temperature. It was so fitting, because it matched his personality and ardor.

His kisses were getting more determined, until he finally snarled in frustration, diving for my neck, kissing me there, and running his tongue over the exposed skin. I knew exactly how he felt - I longed to taste him as well - but my razor-sharp, venom-soaked teeth made it impossible. I was pulling at his hair, trying to be careful with him, as he nipped at my throat.

My head was thrown back, the bark rough beneath my scalp. His mouth was peppering kisses across my collarbone and the exposed skin of my chest above my blouse. He was moaning softly, and I was taking shallow breaths, instinctually panting with excitement. I had no need for air, but instead a primitive need to exhibit and release the tension his kisses were eliciting.

His fingers tugged at the bottom of my shirt, pulling it lower, exposing more of my chest to his lips.

"Take it off," he commanded.

I didn't bother to unbutton it - just yanked it over my head and let it drop to the ground. He pulled me away from the tree, his hand reaching behind my back and unclasping my bra, pulling it off before throwing it. Then he shoved me roughly back again, and ground his erection against me with a growl.

His hands were at my pants, not even bothering to unbutton them, instead ripping the fabric open, and pushing them over my hips.

"Can we do this?" he asked, briefly raising his head from my breasts. "Will it work?"

"I don't know." I panted truthfully. "I think so."

According to Tanya and Kate Denali, it was not only possible but also quite pleasurable.

Jacob guided me down, laying me flat on the forest floor where my clothes were strewn.

I was grateful he didn't ask my permission before he eased his way inside of me. It would have forced me to admit aloud that this was what I wanted.

His heat inside me was indescribable, like submerging yourself into a hot tub on a cold winter's night, or the luxurious relief of scratching an itch.

I clung to him, matching his rhythm, needing him like sustenance.

It was quick and hard and rough. I cried out as I felt myself spasm exquisitely around him, and his moan echoed through the forest when he released inside me.

Was it wrong - the pleasure I took in knowing that I was his first and he had no prior lovers or experiences to compare me with unfavorably? I knew he'd found satisfaction in me, and that made me happy and a little smug. But it was short-lived when he got to his feet immediately afterward.

I scrambled to grab my blouse and held it over me protectively, standing up uncertainly.

"I'm sorry." His voice sounded weary, and he touched his hand to his forehead, shutting his eyes.

Before I could reassure him that it was okay, that I had wanted him too, he phased and ran deeper into the forest.

I sat there for hours before I finally gathered my clothes and put them back on, heading to the cottage, careful not to be seen by anyone.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

_A/N: Reviews are nice – just FYI!_


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: Thanks to my amazing beta, Raindrop Soup. And thank you to the readers who know me and trusted me enough to give this fic a chance, even though Renesmee is a part of this story. I really wanted to explore post Breaking Dawn and the mess that Meyer claimed as a HEA. Thank you for trusting this in my hands enough to continue. I am trying to be true to all the characters and treat them with respect, but at the same time know that I would never put Jacob and Renesmee together in anything remotely resembling a romantic situation._

**Chapter Five**

**BPOV**

She'd been slinking around the house for the last two days. Moping was probably a better word. Human ears would not have heard her silently pad into the room, but nothing could sneak up on me anymore. Except maybe Alice and Edward, who both seemed to defy gravity when they moved.

"Mama?"

"Yes?"

"He wasn't there. Where do you think he could have gone?"

Jacob had been missing for two days, ever since our encounter in the woods. No one knew where he had gone. He had a room up at the big house that he never used. He said the smell from more than two vampires at a time was stifling, and trying to sleep there was impossible. His room above the garage was empty as well. In fact, that was where Renesmee had just come from. She'd been checking everywhere for him non-stop.

"I don't know, sweetie. He'll show up soon. Don't worry."

She came over to the chaise and cuddled into my side. She hadn't done that in ages. I put my arm around her and pulled her in close. She sweetly rubbed her cheek against my arm, nuzzling the satiny material of my blouse against her face. I kissed the top of her head, breathing in the floral scent of her hair.

In the old days, she would have put her hands on me and let me see what she was thinking, what she felt. But she'd become very guarded, and aside from the obvious sadness generating from her, her thoughts and feelings were successfully closed off to me.

After a much too short amount of time, she pulled away, a slight shiver shaking her slim frame.

"You're cold."

She sighed heavily and plodded up the stairs to her room.

I knew she was missing his warmth. I knew this because the last two days I'd been drawn to the kitchen, a room in my home that I hardly had use for. I kept guiltily creeping to the kitchen, looking all around, even though I knew I was alone, before turning on the burner and holding my hands over the heat. I was desperate to find _something_ that could replicate his warm touch on me.

It wasn't the same, but I kept trying nonetheless.

I stared out the window at the rose bushes, as they wound their way around the trellis across the patio. I went back to the place my mind had been before she'd interrupted me. Where it had been for the past two days.

There was so much emotion and too many buried feelings between Jacob and myself. That must be why every time they erupted into a physical act, it was angry, almost violent. Our moments of physical communication were so few and far between that every ounce of emotion that had been stored burst through in a mad torrent, overwhelming us both.

I was so deep in thought, I almost jumped when I felt two arms wrap across my shoulders and around my neck as Edward came up behind me.

"Miss me, love?"

"Edward!" I forced a smile on my face. "Of course. How was it?"

"Oh, you know. Lions and tigers and bears."

"Oh my."

He chuckled at my joke. "Not really, of course. No tigers."

He walked back to his canvas bag, full of his things that would have to be thrown away. Hunting was not easy on clothes. What the blood stains didn't ruin, the rips and tears from bear and mountain lion claws did. There was usually a large bonfire on returning night from hunts where we'd toss our used wardrobes into the flames to dispose of the evidence.

He turned back to me as he made his way to the stairs. "How were things here?" he asked.

He was expecting an answer of "fine" while he continued toward the stairs.

I pressed my lips together tightly. "Jacob is missing."

It was just a matter of time until he heard about it from someone else. Probably Renesmee, as that was practically her only topic of conversation since Jacob had been gone.

"What?" He set his bag down, his brows knitting together in concern. "What do you mean, missing?"

"Well, no one has seen him in two days, and we have no idea where he's gone."

"That's not like Jacob."

I shook my head. "No, it's not."

"Did he say anything to Nessie? Mention he might be taking a trip or visiting his father?"

"No."

He paused for a few moments, thinking, but then he shrugged, repeating what I had said to Renesmee less than an hour ago. "He'll turn up. I'm sure if there was any foul play, we would know by now, right?"

I nodded briefly. "I think so, yes."

He came to me and kissed my cheek. "I missed you," he murmured before he headed up the stairs.

I wanted to return the sentiment, but the words wouldn't come.

**XXXXXXXXX**

**JPOV**

I wiped the sweat off my forehead, and lined up a fresh board. Holding a nail in place, I hammered the board securely. I was far enough away from the house that no one could hear the hammering and sawing I'd been doing.

When I left Bella in the forest a few days ago, I went into a panic. What had I done? How was it going to affect my imprint? How was it going to affect Bella? How was I going to keep it from Edward? The damn leech dipped into my thoughts like a bear with a honey pot.

_Jesus_.

As I ran through the woods, I had remembered seeing a small cottage out beyond the ravine behind the garage. Hidden away in the trees, it was remote enough that I knew no one would come looking for me there. It had been a nice place at one time, but it looked like someone had taken some of the walls down, and the roof had a few leaks, leaving some water damage on the hardwood floors inside.

I'd found the place a few years ago, and had actually begun to fix it up then. I liked the idea of having my own space away from the Cullens. But I'd been side-tracked with Nessie at the time – she was growing so fast — and after only a little sporadic work on the place, I'd kind of forgotten about it, resigning myself to living above the garage.

But now was the perfect time to make the place livable again. It must have belonged to one of the Cullens at one time, but they'd really wrecked the place. Waste of a nice space. I shook my head in disgust. Once those bloodsuckers got enough use out of anything, they just tossed it away.

I was just about done; my hard work had paid off. I'd repaired the broken side walls and the two holes in the roof. Luckily, the windows were intact, and once I cleaned them, they'd be good as new. All that remained was putting a finish on the hardwood floors, and I could do that before nightfall tomorrow.

I looked up at the sky. It was mid-afternoon, and thick white clouds were moving in over the sun. I'd have to go back soon. I really hated the way I'd left things with Nessie the other day. Geez, I'd really screwed up. First with Nessie and then with Bella.

_Bella_.

I thought I'd regret what happened, and I might have if she had seemed remorseful at all. I hadn't seen her since then, maybe she _was_ now that it had time to sink in. She sure hadn't seemed reluctant at the time.

It wasn't how I'd thought it would be. Whenever I'd imagined making love to Bella – and I'd imagined it a lot through the years – she'd been soft, warm, and smelling of strawberries. Human.

She was different now. Not bad, but … different.

I still loved her, though. I knew that much.

_Different._

Hell, everything was different.

I grabbed the last remaining nail and slammed the hammer down on it so hard, the foundation of the whole house shook.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**RPOV**

I thought I would lose my mind in the three days that Jacob was gone. I must have paced the floor of my bedroom a million times, and looked out my window at least that many. I was scared he wouldn't come back. I was afraid I had ruined everything. Why couldn't I keep my mouth shut?

Late afternoon of the third day, I was lying on my bed at the big house, trying to read one of the books Auntie Rose had to sneak past my mother to give to me, when I heard the roar of a motorcycle far in the distance. My hands froze, and I held my breath as the sound grew louder and closer.

When there was finally no denying that the bike was pulling up to the house, I ran to the window. A shot of adrenaline coursed through me, and I jumped up and down, squealing, when a large figure in black leather, blue jeans, and no helmet pulled up to the front door.

I ran down the stairs, practically knocking poor Uncle Emmett down. He smiled at me and started to say hello, but I barreled past him, flinging the door open and running down the porch steps.

"Jax! Jax!" I threw myself at him, full barrel. I heard his husky laugh as I hugged him, still jumping up and down. He hugged me back, chuckling at my enthusiasm.

"Watch out, Nessie, the tail pipes are hot. You're going to burn your legs."

"I don't care," I told him, still clinging to him.

"Come on, we'll go for a ride." He disentangled my arms from around his neck, and I got on behind him. "We'll go down to the garage and grab you a helmet. I want to show you something."

I buried my face in his jacket and closed my eyes, hanging on tight. As we pulled away, I looked back at the house.

My mother was standing in the window, watching us as we drove away.

Once we'd picked up a helmet and it was securely strapped on my head, Jacob steered his Harley toward a path that led down the rocky ravine.

"Hold on tight. It's a little hairy till we get to the bottom."

"Okay!" I hollered back at him over the roar of the motor.

The narrow path was steep, and the tires spun and slipped a few times on the small rocks, but Jacob took his time until the hill evened out before taking off through the dead grass. We went through a crop of trees that had a small clearing just on the other side, and I could see a small house just ahead of us. He pulled up to the separate garage directly alongside the house and killed the engine.

"What do you think?" he asked me. He ran his hand through his shiny black hair and shook it into place.

It was a cottage similar to the one I lived in with my parents. It was painted blue and had a lot of brickwork in the front, as well as a bricked wall with an iron gate you had to pass through to get to the front door.

"It reminds me of the three little pigs," I told him.

"The three little pigs?"

"You know, the three little pigs. I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down. The third little pigs' house was made of brick. Like this one."

He chuckled and shook his head. "There's always a big, bad wolf."

"Only in the best ones." I smiled and followed him up a walkway that led to the iron gate. It looked like there had been a lawn and some flowerbeds beside the windows in the front, but it was all brown and dead now.

"Who lives here?" I whispered as we approached the front door.

He leaned in and whispered back in my ear. "I do."

"You do?"

"Yes. So we can stop whispering. No one can hear us."

I giggled. "Did you build this?"

I followed him into the empty house, my shoes echoing on the hardwood floor. There was a front room immediately inside the entry, with an expansive brick fireplace taking up nearly one whole wall.

"No," he told me. "I found it here a while ago, and I've been fixing it up the last few days."

"This is where you've been?" I'd gone back to whispering, afraid to talk about his disappearance.

"Yep. Come on, I'll show you the rest of the house."

There was a cute, sunny kitchen with a huge picture window over the sink. It had two bedrooms, one with a bathroom attached and a sunken tub with jets. I hopped into the empty tub with a big grin.

"Oooh, can I test drive your tub?"

"Sure, sure."

"So whose place was this?" I asked him, laying my head back against the porcelain.

"I don't know. One of your aunts' and uncles', I suppose. Or maybe your grandparents'."

"Huh. It's nice." I shut my eyes and made my voice as casual as possible. "Can I stay here with you?"

He didn't answer me right away.

"There are two rooms," I added quickly. "I might even let you have the big one," I joked.

"Ha-ha. You can visit me sometimes." He leaned against the marble sink counter.

"So …" I studied the brass bath knobs across from me intently. "You're not mad at me anymore?"

"I was never mad at you, Ness," he said softly.

"Then why did you run away?"

He ran his hand through his hair and took a deep breath. "Because I'm a coward, and an idiot, that's why. Ness, look at me."

I slowly lifted my gaze to meet his.

"I was never mad at you. I know you're growing up, and I know you're confused. So am I. Our lives are bound. We have a connection that will never go away. But we can define what that connection is."

He repeated his last sentence as if he were trying to convince himself of it. "We can define what that connection is. I know we've never really talked about all this. But that's only because we don't know that much about it – why it happens, what it means, what the purpose is …"His voice trailed off.

"But you're not going to leave?"

"No. I don't know that I could, even if I wanted to."

He ran his hand over his face, looking at me and then looking away. "I'm going to tell you something. I don't know if I should or not, but I'm trying to be honest with you. We were all led to believe that what we… that when I …" He growled, fighting to find the right words. "We all assumed that imprinting was for finding the right mate. That all of us who had imprinted would become a couple with our imprints. But, I don't know if that holds true for all of us."

"You mean for you and me," I said softly. "That's why Aunty Rose …"

"That's why Rosalie, _what?_" he asked sharply. He and Aunty Rose weren't exactly the best of friends.

"She said something about you …" I stopped, embarrassed. He had practically told me he didn't think he'd ever see us together _that_ way. "She said you would be giving me a diamond ring one day."

His lips tightened angrily, and he shook his head in disgust. "That really wasn't your aunt's place to tell you something like that. I'm sorry, Ness."

I felt something wet drop onto the back of my hand and realized my face was wet with sudden tears.

Jacob came and squatted beside the tub and wiped the tears off my cheek with his thumb. "Aw Ness, don't cry, angel. I'm not saying that one day my feelings won't change. But right now, you're still a little girl to me. All I know is what I feel right now. I love you, Nessie. And I am always going to be here for you. _That_ I do know. Okay? Please, let's just go back to how things were, all right? Don't cry."

He put his arms around me, and I leaned across the cold porcelain and sobbed against his neck. My head was screaming _No!_ But I nodded my head in affirmation, because I knew that's what he wanted.

It took everything I had not to let him see what I felt and what I'd been through while he was gone. The older I got, the less and less I used my gift. Instead of perfecting it like the others in my family did, I'd taught myself to dull its strength. What was useful and even cute as a child had become a burden and an embarrassment as I got older. I no longer liked to wear my heart, my emotions, and my soul on my sleeve, so to speak.

But sometimes, like now, I felt that nothing I could say would convey what I really felt inside. _My heart is breaking_ sounded so cliché without actually feeling the physical pain of the knife twisting in your chest.

**XXXXXXXXXX**


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: Just a couple of quick reminders. JBNP is having their 2012 Awards and voting is up now. Sweet Hostage is up for two awards, and Little Pieces of My Heart is nominated as well. Whoever you choose to vote for, go show your support for your favorite stories and authors, and vote now. Here is a list of the Nominees._

_One more thing – theair_thesun (TATS) is now accepting entries for their anonymous Does My Being Half Naked Bother You one-shot contest. Enter on or before June 20th. _

**Chapter Six**

**BPOV**

I smiled to myself at her naiveté, hearing the wind whisper into the room as she tried to sneak the front door open stealthily. I was on my way down the stairs toward the music room, so there was no way she could creep past me.

A salty, moist smell assailed my nostrils as she kept her head down and tried to hide her tear-stained cheeks.

"Mama," she mumbled, trying to slip past me.

"Were you crying?" I reached out for her.

She stopped a few stairs below me and put up her hand for me not to come closer.

"Why are you crying, sweetie?" I already knew it had something to do with Jacob since it was just a couple of hours ago that I saw her leave with him. I'd seen her run out to him when he had pulled up on his bike, and it took all I had in me not to follow her lead and run out to him, too. I had to be extra careful now.

"Why won't you tell me?" I asked her softly when she still hadn't answered.

I held out my hands to her. "Then show me if it's too difficult to talk about. Show me."

Her eyes shifted back and forth as she warred with herself. She'd taken to abandoning her gift, opting not to show any of us what she was feeling, experiencing, and seeing anymore.

She hesitated before taking the remaining three steps up toward me and placing her hands on my forearms. I grasped hers as the pictures started.

_Her and Jacob by the water, her touching his leg and then licking his abdomen with her tongue, him jerking upright with a start and pushing her away. His avoidance of her for days afterward, and then a confrontation between the two of them in the Cullens' kitchen that ended in both of them hollering at each other, which Renesmee believed was the catalyst for his running away for three days. And finally, she showed me the conversation that took place between the two of them that day, wherein Jacob was forced to tell her that he still thought of her as a little girl. _

My heart broke for her, but at the same time, it swelled with relief and hope for myself. Had Jacob used me merely to let off steam and relieve his pent-up sexual feelings? Or was Renesmee's burgeoning adolescence reigniting old feelings from his past?

"Oh, sweetie," I pulled her into a hug. "I'm so sorry."

I pulled back, pushing her hair from her face, my hand resting on her cheek. "You have to understand that you're growing up so fast. It's hard for all of us to keep up and let go of you being the little girl you were not so long ago. I'm sure that -"

"I knew you'd say that!" she screamed at me, pulling away abruptly and running up the stairs to her room, before slamming the door behind her.

I didn't know if I should go to her, but decided it was best to let her calm down a little first.

I went and sat on the porch, settling on the stairs and watching the sun sink behind the pine trees. I replayed the last part of Renesmee's vision and tried to place the house Jacob had shown her. I'd seen it before while hunting in the area with Edward. The brickwork and the iron gate; it had belonged to Alice and Jasper years ago. Edward had laughingly told me how they'd ruined their first home with their passionate sexcapades, and this was their second house, purposely constructed with durability in mind with the brick base. But they'd managed to ruin the upper wooden construction anyway, and a few forceful love romps had somehow put holes in the roof as well. I didn't even want to ask.

Apparently, Jacob found the place and had done some repairs on it. And I remembered exactly where it was located.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**BPOV cont.**

Hours later, I was still on the front steps, staring into the wet, inky blackness. The fog was thick and clouds covered the moon, making it a dark, dangerous night. For humans.

Edward had come home, spent a few hours playing and composing in the living room/music room on his piano, then left again, up to Carlisle's library to study and read.

Renesmee had never left her room, and I hadn't mentioned her tears or our conversation from earlier to Edward, so I was alone outside in the dark.

The nights were hardest for me. Too many hours to fill. For someone who had never had any particular hobbies or interests, it was a long stretch of boredom. I missed sleep.

My human life had been about duties. Go to school, do my homework, cook, clean, study. I didn't have to do any of that now. I was ashamed and refused to admit I was incredibly bored most of the time. Edward would never say "I told you so," but his knowing smile would tell me as much.

In the beginning, the sex had been enough. It was a novelty. But like anything, that novelty wore off, and making love three times a day had dwindled down to three times a week. Which was fine, but it was finding something to do, something to focus on, that drove me nuts and made the minutes seem like hours, making forever seem like a prison sentence.

Filling time became a real problem for me. There was so much of it. I didn't like to shop. I still wasn't crazy for sports, even though my vampire body was wicked fast and strong. I still didn't care for dancing. I found I didn't have an aptitude or desire to play music, as much as Edward had tried to teach me.

I didn't even get to take care of my daughter that much. I practically had to fight the others to even spend time with her.

So, I spent a lot of time reading and walking. I stopped looking to Edward to entertain me. Being the source and focus of my whole world had started to irritate him when it was on a 24/7 basis. I didn't blame him. It was a little too much to ask of anyone. I had expected him to be my source of happiness forever. An impossible task. What had I been thinking?

As I sat there on the stairs alone, my mind kept going back to Alice and Jasper's abandoned house. That was where Jacob was staying and where he'd taken Renesmee earlier.

It was about five miles away beyond the ravine. I could be there in no time …

I opened the front door and stood at the top of the stairs. Renesmee was asleep; I could hear her soft, even breathing in the quiet house. I glanced at the grandfather clock in the foyer before I ducked back out. It was close to midnight. Would Jacob be sleeping?

Would Edward be back before me? Could I sneak past him without him smelling where I'd been? Who I'd been with?

When Edward was engrossed with his research, it wasn't unusual for him to pull an all-nighter. There was a good chance I could go to Jacob's and back without his ever knowing.

I locked the front door and headed toward the ravine. Once I'd made it down the side, I turned left, running through the brush and heading for the trees. I knew just beyond that was a clearing where the little house stood.

I hopped over the brick wall that lined the front of the house and made my way inside through the unlocked front door. I knew I would only have a few seconds lead on him before my scent would give me away. By the time I silently slinked through his open bedroom door, he was onto me. His even breathing stopped, hesitating for that split second as he identified my smell.

I heard his heart speed up and then rectify itself as we both waited for the other to speak first. I finally broke the silence.

"You made my daughter cry."

I heard him snort softly. "Her mother has been making me cry for years."

"That doesn't give you the right to take it out on my daughter."

"Who should I take it out on, then?" He stood up, getting out of the bed in one quick, fluid motion. I didn't answer as he began walking toward me. He moved like a panther instead of a wolf, slinking confidently toward his prey.

I could see the stiff outline of him through his boxers as I stepped back away from him, hitting the wall.

My voice came out shakily. "Maybe you should just leave."

"I would have left a long, long time ago if I could. Thanks to you that's not an option anymore."

"Thanks to me?" I breathed, confused.

"Yes. It's your fault," he said, stopping as he stood before me.

"How is it my fault that you can't leave?"

"If you had thought your choices through like a rational 18-year-old _adult_ and not like the spoiled, selfish brat you were, or should I say still _are_, things would be different."

"How dare you!" I hissed at him, standing up straight. He was so close, my chest pressed against his ribs. "I'm not a spoiled brat."

"Then why are you here, Bella? We both know it's not really to talk about your daughter."

He quickly grabbed a hold of both my wrists and held them tight against the wall above my head.

"Is it, Bella?"

I could feel his hot breath as I shook my head, and he slowly lowered his face to me. His lips touched mine, and that same heat I felt every time shot through me, melting every part of my body as it coursed all the way down to my toes.

He was right. This was exactly what I'd come here for. I was selfish and spoiled. What kind of mother was I?

_He belonged to me first._

But I'd made my choices, insisted on having my way. And now my daughter … but how was I to know that Jacob would imprint on her? And how was I to know that lust had an expiration date that didn't last forever and could be reignited in old familiar places that sparked a flame inside you long ago?

"Just shut up and kiss me again, Jacob."

He chuckled, molding his scorching lips to mine.

I sighed and happily went down in the flames of my own ruin.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**RPOV**

I sat straight up in my bed with a gasp. I'd been dreaming I was lying in a meadow with crimson rain dripping down from the skies, catching the sweet drops on my tongue. Jax was beside me, trying to shield himself with his hands from the raining blood. He glanced at me; his face wrinkled in disgust as he watched me lap up every drop I could. It was sweet and warm and staining the white t-shirt and pink shorts I wore. I looked over at him again and noticed the red liquid pooled among the grooves and dips of his abs, like a stream running down his sides. I pushed myself up on all fours, ready to lap it all away, when I woke up with a start.

My heart was pounding, and I was soaked in sweat. I threw the covers off and went to my bedroom door, opening it a crack and listening. My mother was probably on the porch; she could sit out there for hours. But when I went down the stairs and opened the front door, there was no one there.

I couldn't hear any music playing, and the lights in the library were off, meaning my father was probably at the big house in Grandpa's library. We had a library here, but ours paled in comparison to Grandpa's huge one.

No one was home. I could go to Jacob's. I knew that once I got there, he would let me stay. I intended to make that extra bedroom my own. If I started staying there right away, it would be like I belonged there, and it could be mine and Jax's house - our own space together.

I could keep the place up for him. I hated to clean, and my own room was a mess, but I would do it for him. I could cook for him, too. I didn't know how to do that either, but I would learn.

I didn't want to have to beg him to let me stay - more than anything, I wanted him to ask. Lately, I wanted so many things from him, and the disappointment of none of them coming to pass was killing me. It was so much easier when I was satisfied with a piggyback ride or a hunting spree, even a television show watched together with popcorn and tons of butter, just the way he liked it.

But, I wanted more now. Much more. I wanted admiration. I wanted closeness - intimacy. I wanted to see his eyes darkened with lust. And I wanted it freely and intentionally, not forced.

Besides, if Jacob didn't want me, who would? Who in the world would take on a freak like me?

There was only one other person like myself, and his name was Nahuel. I'd only met him once when I was very young, but he was older than my father. I would pass.

It's not like I knew any humans; I didn't co-exist in their world. Maybe in a couple of years I could get a job, but for now, school was out of the question. What other options did I have? A vampire? I rarely saw any of them outside my own family. And vampires were so cold. I didn't like the cold; I'd grown attached to the heat.

I wanted Jacob.

I grabbed a rain jacket and pulled on my hiking shoes right over my bare feet, before slipping outside in my pajamas toward Jax's cottage.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**BPOV**

I snuggled up against Jacob's scathing warm chest. When I had been human, his warmth felt wonderful to me. Now, it was almost decadent how good it felt. I nuzzled my face against his neck, still able to enjoy his smell; forest and pine underneath the slight canine scent now mixed in.

"Stop that," he snickered. "You're giving me chills."

"You always said you'd have me, even if my heart stopped beating," I reminded him, the dimly lit memory coming back to me.

"Did I say that?"

He ran his fingers through my hair, the warm pads of his fingers along my scalp making me want to purr.

"Yep."

"What did I know? I was full of morphine at the time." He grinned.

"You do remember!" I laughed, before sobering quickly. "So, am I really that different?"

"A little."

"Do I smell bad?" I asked softly. "You never complain about the smell anymore."

He thought a minute before answering. "I guess it's like anything. You hang around it long enough, you get used to it. And you never smelled as bad as the others." His lips turned up in a gentle smile. "Funny what the brain will adjust to when you love something."

"Hmm, I guess that makes sense," I agreed. "With time, Edward was able to desensitize himself to the smell of my blood, back when I was human." I pulled back, looking at him. "But you still won't sleep at the big house because the smell bothers you."

"I can't sleep at the big house because it's full of leeches. It's kind of hard to relax in a houseful of my mortal enemies."

I met his gaze. "And now you're sleeping with the enemy."

We stared at each other in silence for a moment.

"What are we going to do about Edward?" I whispered. "He's going to be able to see exactly what's going on as soon as you get within ten feet of him."

"Why do you think I'm staying here? I know I can't avoid him forever, but I can sure as hell try."

I tucked his dark, glossy hair behind his ear. "Couldn't you just think about something else?"

His eyes darkened. "Like that would be possible. I haven't been able to think of anything but you since we …"

I laid my cheek back against his chest, a small smile on my lips.

"You're colder," he said quietly.

I shook my head. "Well, you expected that, didn't you? Does it bother you?"

"Bella, I can stand in a blizzard and it doesn't bother me. But I'm not talking about your skin. I mean you. You're colder."

Was that true? I wasn't always anxious and worried like when I had been human. Not to the same degree, anyway. It was harder to be sad without telltale tears. I wasn't easily embarrassed either. At least I wasn't as aware of it since my cheeks didn't turn pink and get hot. The emotions were still there, but without the physical manifestations. It was as if they had been watered down. More like annoyances to deal with than the full-blown emotional attacks that gripped me and gave me nightmares as a human.

I'd thought of that as a good thing - not being crippled with worry and insecurities anymore. But I guess everything had its downside. I also wasn't as giggly and giddy. I no longer fell apart and passed out when my husband came into the room. Was that because of time or part of being a vampire?

"I'm sorry," I blurted.

I felt Jacob's chuckle rumble under my cheek. "Ah, now _that's_ the same. Bella apologizing. Some things never change."

I giggled and planted kisses across his chest. I had missed him. He'd always brought out the best of my humanity, and now he brought out things in me that I missed, like silliness. I loved my family, but silly was not a word I would use to describe any one of them. Well, maybe Emmett, a little.

I rolled onto my back with a sly smile, and opening my legs, I pulled him down on top of me.

**XXXXXXXXXX**


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: After reading my reviews, I am finding that readers seem to think my goal was to "right a wrong" in the post Breaking Dawn story, somehow. This was not my intention, and if that is what you believed going into this, I apologize now. Readers keep asking me "how are you going to fix this?" Fixing this was not my intention. My intention was to point out exactly that – this cannot be fixed. It's a mess waiting to happen. Unless you go the other route and have Jacob happily jump in the sack with a (technically) five-year-old child (and that too, would bring other problems, I'm sure, that I don't even care about or want to think about), but I would NEVER go there. _

_**WARNING**: So. If you're thinking this is going to be a magically solved HEA – back out now! Things are about to get dark and ugly. If I had known where I was going with this from the beginning, I would have slapped a warning on it, but I'm sorry, I didn't. I will warn you now without giving too much away. Dark. Ugly. If you want to read a HEA, I suggest Intoxicating or Sweet Hostage. This is not pretty. I am just trying to keep it real. _

_Although, this chapter is kinda fun and has **Quembry** in it. So if you must stop, read this chapter first! LOL_

**Chapter Seven**

**BPOV**

I made my way through the brush and began the ascent up the side of the ravine back toward the house. It was still pitch black out, and I was estimating it was somewhere around 3:00 A.M. I heard a sound as a few small pebbles bounced down the side of the hill beyond me. I looked up and saw Renesmee, still in her pajamas, coming down the side of the hill in the pouring rain.

I froze in panic. She had to have been on her way to Jacob's. What if she had …? She could have caught us - that was too close.

"Renesmee! What are you doing out here in the middle of the night, in the pouring rain?"

"What are you doing out here?" She threw my own question back at me.

"I was just taking a walk. I thought I might feed."

"Oh, well, I couldn't sleep," she said lamely.

"Well, let's go back and get you some dry pajamas, and you can try again."

She stood still like she was going to argue with me, but then reluctantly took my hand and let me lead her back to the house. I hoped Edward was still in Carlisle's library, engrossed in his research.

I let out a sigh of relief when we got to the cottage and saw it was empty. Renesmee changed into fresh pajamas, and I blew her long hair dry with the blower, before she crawled back into bed quietly and tried to sleep.

After showering thoroughly, I gathered up her wet things to throw in the clothes dryer. Coming down the stairs, I spied someone in the front room.

"Alice?" I set the clothes down and went toward the window where she was standing, her face away from me.

"I know what you're doing." She turned toward me. "I want you to know I won't tell Edward."

"What do you mean?" I swallowed unnecessarily. "What am I doing?"

The smile on her face didn't make it to her eyes. "Don't play dumb, Bella. I know."

I looked down, ashamed to meet her gaze. "I thought you were unable to _see_ anything when the wolves are involved?"

"I can't. I was on my way up here when you left hours ago. I followed you." She shrugged.

I didn't know what to say. I deserved whatever anger and insults she threw my way, I knew that.

"How could you do this to him? My brother loves you. He let you choose, and this is how you repay him?"

I took a step forward. "I love Edward!" I cried. "I just … I don't know, Alice. I'm sorry. I was so young. I thought everything would be so easy. I thought being like the rest of you was like magic, like waving a wand and everything was bright and sparkly and I'd live happily ever after."

Alice shook her head. "We all tried to warn you - no one more than Edward. You begged him to do it."

"I know, I know." I nodded my head, taking all blame upon myself. "Forgive me."

She reached out and placed her hand on my forearm. "Just stop it," she said quietly.

"How will you keep Edward from finding out?" I tensed, knowing that she didn't need to use her words with him.

She smiled impishly. "I have tricks. I've managed to employ a few over the years to keep him out."

"How?"

"I picture Jasper naked. If that doesn't work right away, then I make the memory a little more detailed. Works like a charm!"

I shook my head, a small smile at the corner of my lips.

She took a step closer to me, her smile gone. "You need to stop it. Now. It's wrong, Bella. If not for Edward's sake, then for Renesmee. Your daughter is …"

"My daughter is what?"

"Your daughter is in love with him!" she cried. I put my finger to my lips, signaling for her to keep her voice down.

"My daughter is five years old!" I hissed.

"But she's his imprint!"

"He doesn't want her!" I said loudly, after just shushing her. "He wants me!"

Alice shook her head, her brows knit together, perplexed. "But I thought imprinting automatically meant an eventual … coupling."

"So did I." I shrugged. "That's what we all thought. He loves her, Alice, but not like that."

She frowned at me. "How is she going to feel if someday she finds out that he and her mother were lovers?"

"She won't." I looked pointedly at Alice. "Will she?"

Alice looked out the window, confused. "But I assumed he could never be interested in anyone else until she was old enough to …"

"So did I," I said, joining her at the window. "But apparently he does."

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**JPOV**

As soon as she left, I rolled over to the cold spot she'd left behind. It felt good – cooled me off.

I stared at the ceiling.

What were we doing?

I knew the repercussions were going to be huge, but I couldn't stop myself. I'd always wanted this. Always. But God, not like this. I'd thought I'd relish in the triumph of victory over Edward. But I was surprised to admit, I felt bad. I really didn't want to rub his face in it.

_Jacob Black must be growing up._

I planned on going to La Push the next day. My dad said the water heater was going out, and I was going to take him with me to town and pick up a new one. Then I'd go back to the house and install it for him. Shopping for a water heater wasn't that exciting, but I knew my dad would enjoy getting out of the house. Almost as much as he'd love supervising my installation of it.

I'd already invited Quil and Embry over for pizza afterward. They were providing the pizza, of course. I missed them. When all the shit here started going down over a week ago, I seriously thought about moving back to La Push. My dad wasn't getting any younger, and there was really no reason for me to live on the Cullen's property anymore.

I'd felt a strong need to protect Ness from her bloodsucker family when she was little. They were so strong, and while she wasn't fragile like her mother had been, she was still small and someone could forget their own strength.

I rolled onto my stomach and buried my face into the pillow that Bella had laid her head on less than an hour ago. That sharp, sweet smell made my eyes water slightly, but it was counteracted by the stronger scent of her strawberry shampoo.

I closed my eyes and focused on strawberries and the feel of cool, smooth skin.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**JPOV cont.**

As I pulled up to the security pad and punched in the code for the garage, I sensed her. She was sitting on the hood of her father's Aston Martin, elbows on her knees, chin in her hands.

"What are you doing here, Ness?"

"Waiting for you. You said you were going to Billy's today. I wanna come."

I pulled my long leg over the Harley's leather seat and shook my damp, windblown hair back into place.

"You don't want to come, Ness. It's going to be boring. We're just going to pick up a water heater and I'm going to install it for him."

"I could help you," she offered with her best helpful smile.

"Huh, thanks for the offer. Maybe next time."

"You never take me!" She stomped her foot against the car's metal front bumper. I half-hoped she'd leave a mark on her father's grill.

I didn't have the heart to tell her that she kind of freaked my dad out. Last time he'd seen her, he told me his hair was on end for three days afterward. And Quil and Embry were visibly uncomfortable around her.

"I told you, maybe next time."

She sighed loud and long. "Which car are you taking?"

"Just the Rabbit," I told her, walking over and unlocking the driver's door with the key.

She was quiet for a moment, and when I looked back up at her, she was glancing around the garage at all the cars that were jockeyed for position there. The place did look like an automotive showroom.

"Are all vampires rich?" she asked me softly.

"That was off-the-wall." I chuckled. "Mm, yeah, pretty much I think."

"Because they steal their victims' money and wealth?" she whispered.

I shuffled my feet uncomfortably and cleared my throat, unsure of what to say.

"I'm so glad I'm not one of them. Even what I am is better than what they are. I'm alive – my heart beats. And they're so cold." She turned her head and looked at me, her eyes sad and serious. "I don't want to live forever."

I swallowed. Where was all this coming from? I was not prepared to be having _this_ conversation so early in the day. What was I supposed to say? "Being human isn't all that great, Ness."

I relaxed in relief when she smiled at me. "No, but being a werewolf is."

"Yeah." I grinned. "We rock." I ruffled her hair and kissed the top of her head. "I'll see you later."

"Take me with you!" she begged one last time.

"No." I leaned out the driver's side window and shook my head.

She watched me pull out and head down the driveway toward the road.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**JPOV cont.**

"No, Jacob, you need to tighten that a little more."

I put the wrench down and counted to three in my head. "Dad, I think I've got this. Why don't you go watch TV? I'm almost done here."

_And you haven't stopped lecturing me on how I should do it for the last hour._

"No, no, I'll be quiet. Don't mind me."

I tightened up the last screw, adjusted a switch and picked up the old water heater, putting it on the side of the house. I would have to ask Emmett if I could borrow his military style long-bed truck — a cool one hundred, twenty thousand dollar Icon FJ45.

I could have borrowed Embry's old broken-down Chevy to haul it away, but I loved driving the Icon. And Emmett was pretty cool about driving it hard and roughing it up. After all, it wasn't much to him to shell out another hundred-something-grand for a new one. I stuffed down my jealousy and instead smiled at the thought of borrowing such a sweet ride.

Speaking of Embry's eyesore, it pulled into the drive just as I shoved the old water heater tight against the side of the house.

"Ding-dong, Quileutes calling," Quil hollered, getting out the passenger side. He pulled two large cardboard pizza boxes from the seat. "Somebody here order a pizza?"

"Hey!" I laughed as they followed me up the front porch steps into the house.

My dad had seen them coming and was tossing some paper plates on the table.

"Hey, Mr. Black!" Embry put a couple of six-packs of beer down on the table and hugged my dad.

"Hey, boys." My dad eye-balled the beers and rolled over to the table, snatching one before I could protest. He probably shouldn't be drinking it, but hell; he didn't have a lot of excitement in his life, so I kept my mouth shut.

Once we finished off both extra-large pepperoni, salami and sausage pizzas, my dad went into the front room to watch the news, where I bet he would be fast asleep within five minutes.

"Beer's gone," Embry said with the loudest, longest burp I thought I'd ever heard.

"You kiss your mama with that mouth?" Quil asked him, disgusted, fanning the air in front of his face.

"No, but I kiss your mama's, and she seems to like it."

I thought Quil was going to go after him for that remark, but instead his eyes got big, like he just remembered something.

"What?" I asked him.

"When Paul was living here, before he and your sister moved out, he used to keep some homemade whiskey out in the garage that his dad used to make."

"That old moonshine shit?" Embry made a face.

"That old moonshine shit was like 150 proof, enough to get even a werewolf shit-faced."

The three of us looked at each other, jumping up from the table at the same time, and practically tripping over each other on our way out to the garage.

An hour later, the bottle was empty and we were giggling like girls, reminiscing about the old days. We'd had some good times in this garage. Talking about girls, working on cars, sneaking beer, and once in a great while, smoking weed that Embry used to get from his cousin.

And the porn. Quil would sneak his mom's laptop out, and we'd sit around and watch porn on it. A couple of times we forgot to clear the browser's history, and Quil got his head smacked.

"Totally worth it!" He raised the empty plastic jug in the air for emphasis.

Embry slapped Quil's knee. "And someday, dude, you'll be able to put that knowledge to use! You know, in about fifteen years when Claire grows up!" He snorted, leaning to the side and slipped off the end of the bench he was sitting on.

"S'alright, man. I'll wait," Quil slurred back. "Jakey here may be gettin' some soon."

"Can it, man!" I hadn't meant to do it, but the alpha order just barked out of me. Quil and Embry both blinked and got quiet.

"Hey." A sly grin came over Embry's face. "Let's go for a run."

Quil and I made a face at him.

"Oh, come on. When was the last time we all phased together? And drunk? It'll be a blast. Sam never allowed us to drink back in the old days. Come on!" He stood up and kicked off his shoes. He really wanted to do this.

"Alright." I stood up and pulled my shirt off over my head. I still phased quite a bit, but not with any of the pack in years.

The three of us headed for the door, peeling off clothes as we went. Once the cool air hit us, we smirked in unison and exploded into wolves.

The race was on. We barreled over bushes and leaped through the brush, making fluid hairpin turns through the trees at supernatural speeds. I'd forgotten how much fun it was!

About eight miles out, we came to a stream and stopped to lap at the cool water. We were not too far from the Cullen's land. In fact, if we went about a mile north through the trees ahead it would lead us right to where Bella and I had …

Quil and Embry both lifted their heads, their lupine eyes large with surprise.

_Bam!_ Embry phased back.

_Bam!_ Quil was right beside him.

"What the hell was that?" Embry breathed.

"Please tell me that was some sick, twisted fantasy from when you were sixteen, Jacob! No way that you could … that you would … Would you?" Quil's eyes were wide with shock.

I phased back into human form. Taking a deep breath, I shut my eyes. I really didn't want to discuss this. I hadn't meant to let my mind go there.

"Did you sleep with Bella?" Embry choked.

Quil shook his head, nudging Embry's elbow. "He can't, man. It had to be a fantasy. Right, Jake? He couldn't, not when he's imprinted. Right, Jake? It's impossible."

I ran my hand through my hair, and a couple of pine needles fell from it to the ground. "Yeah, I did. I still love her."

"Oh. Fuck." Quil turned to the side and a torrent of 150-proof moonshine splattered onto the rocks. Quil never could hold his liquor. He straightened up and wiped his mouth on his arm. "How, man? I mean, I can't even look at a woman. I don't even have those desires anymore."

I shrugged, shaking my head. "Well, I do."

"Holy shit. Bella Swan – I mean, Bella Cullen. After all these years." I saw a glimpse of the old Embry from my boyhood as he grinned impishly. "How was it, man?"

"Dude, that's disgusting!" Quil shoved him lightly. "She's a leech!"

"I know, I know." Embry shoved him back. "But I can still ask him how it was. At least _he_ can still function like a man – unlike _some_ people."

Quil was staring at me as if I'd told him I'd fucked Edward. "But you shouldn't be able to, to …" he stuttered.

"Look, it's late," I told him, cutting him off. I really wasn't going to discuss this. I suddenly felt very tired. "I'm gonna head back and take off."

Before either of them could protest or ask me another question, I phased back and took off, full-barrel, back to the garage. I was always faster than either of them, and I was the only one who still phased with any regularity. I knew I'd have plenty of time to dress and head back to Forks before they made it back to my dad's place.

Quil's words rang through my head the whole drive back to my new place.

_He couldn't have, not when he's imprinted. Right, Jake? It's impossible._

**XXXXXXXXXX**


	8. Chapter 8

_**A/N**: For those of you reading on FFnet – I am so sorry. I posted Chapter 8 TWICE and it just wouldn't load. This is my third attempt. Hope it works. *fingers crossed*_

_The voting for JBNP's Summer Awards is still open, so go over and vote for your favorite wolf-girl authors. Sweet Hostage is nominated for two awards and Little Pieces of My Heart is up for one. Go vote now! JBNP Voting Page ._

_**Summary**: Nessie is growing up and wants to change the dynamics of her relationship with Jacob. This has Jacob – who is not ready – running for the hills. Or in this case, running straight into Bella's arms. Last chapter found Jake in La Push, where Quil was shocked and appalled to learn of Jacob and Bella's relationship. The fact that Jacob could even think of a female other than Renesme, **that way**, has him reeling, and Jacob very confused._

**Chapter Eight**

**RPOV**

Something cold and wet was pouring down on me, and I sat up straight with a gasp. I'd been dreaming of blood yet again, blood raining from the sky. I awoke to find the clouds had opened up and I was getting soaked.

I was sitting on Jax' porch - I'd been there all evening waiting for him to get back from La Push. Now it was pitch dark outside. I wasn't sure what time it was, but I could tell it was late. And unless he'd walked right over my prone form lying on his porch, he wasn't home yet.

I scooted back under the eaves, out of the downpour and debated on just going home.

I couldn't believe he had left me in the garage earlier in the afternoon. _He'd left me there!_ He never let me go to La Push with him.

_Jerk!_

What had I done so wrong? Was he tired of me? I was sorry I was such a freak and my growing up seemed to be more than anyone in my family could handle, but it wasn't my fault! It was so unfair!

The front door had been unlocked when I got to Jax' cottage earlier in the evening — just like I knew it would be — so I'd let myself in. There was no TV in the house, so I got bored after a while and came out to sit on the porch, and I must have fallen asleep.

I was going to bring some bedding from the house and fix up the extra room , but Jacob had been acting so funny lately, I didn't want to make him mad, so I didn't.

I stood up and shook off the dream. It was getting late, and I was impatient, so I figured I'd kill some time with a walk and wait for him at the garage. I would be sure not to miss him then.

And if he wasn't back within an hour, then I was going home.

I pulled my sweater off and put it over my head as I went out through the gate and headed for the trees.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**BPOV**

I was beginning to feel ridiculous. I'd been waiting in the car for hours. I knew Jacob was going to Billy's, so I thought I'd surprise him when he came back.

He'd mentioned taking his dad with him to shop for a water heater, which meant he wasn't on his bike. And sure enough, the Harley had been parked inside the garage when I came down, and the Rabbit was gone.

No one had been home when I'd snuck down at about seven o'clock, but it was after eleven PM before I heard the purr of the Rabbit's motor pulling up.

I had told Alice I would end it, but I wasn't sure I could. I didn't want to.

The electric door slowly went up, and Jacob maneuvered the car into its empty slot. He opened the driver's door, and as his head jerked up when he sensed my presence, I spoke.

"Want a ride?"

I was sprawled out, lounging in the back seat of his Trans Am with the window rolled down.

"I was going to ask you the same thing." He smirked. He pulled the back door open and leaned in with a smile. "You're gonna need to fasten your seat belt, though – I foresee a wild ride."

"I wouldn't want it any other way," I purred. I grabbed hold of his wrist and pulled him in on top of me. He wound his fingers in my hair, pulling my head back slightly, then kissed me hard.

I'd purposely worn a short black dress just to make things easier and less fuss when we started ripping each other's clothes off. His hand snaked up my leg, sneaking a blazing hot trail between my thighs. His fingers slid gently over the satin of my underwear and my hips bucked instinctually.

"Panties? Oh, you are way too over-dressed." He stroked over the soft material a few more times, before sliding them slowly over my legs. Just as his hand crept back to where it had been and where I desperately wanted it back as soon as possible, he broke away from our kiss.

"Bells, honey, we're gonna break my car. And I kinda like this car. Not to mention, my legs are hanging out on the ground."

I almost couldn't respond. He'd called me Bells _and_ honey for the first time in years. I could feel the idiotic grin as it spread across my face. He could ask me to make love on top of Edward's piano in front of the whole Cullen family and I would say yes, I was so happy.

I mischievously looked over at Edward's prized Aston Martin, then back at Jacob. Edward hardly ever drove it, and by the time he got around to taking it for a spin again, all traces of Jake and I would be gone. Plus, Jake worked on the car sometimes, so it would be only natural if a minute hint of him lingered.

"Bells! I am shocked!" He made a stern face, knitting his brows together. Then they relaxed and he raised one eyebrow. "And intrigued. But, no."

He pushed up onto his knees and scanned the garage. "What about the back of Emmett's Icon? We can spread a blanket out."

Before I could answer, he gathered me up, and pulled me out of the Trans Am - thankfully, remembering to grab my panties from the floor.

I tugged his t-shirt off, letting it drop to the ground as I ran my hands over his chest and lower to his abdominals. He set me down on my feet before the truck and I slid one hand beneath his jeans, yanking the button undone with the other. He was kissing my neck frantically, before he pulled away _again_.

"Hold that thought," he panted. He jogged to the cabinets that covered one complete wall and pulled a couple of blankets out, as all the others fell to the floor in a heap. He growled and kicked them, but left them there.

As he began tossing the bedding into the back of the Icon, I unzipped his pants and dropped to my knees on the cold, hard floor. He stood completely still and I couldn't hear him breathing anymore. I eased his jeans down to his ankles and he silently stepped out of them. Keeping his boxers still in place, I stroked his length through them, before gently – very gently – nipping him with my teeth up his shaft.

I snuck a peek up at him, and I think he was at a loss as to what to do with his hands, because they were firmly clasped behind his neck and his head was down, eyes shut.

"Do you trust me?" My voice came out husky.

"I trust you," he said hoarsely.

After a few more gentle nips, I took hold of the elastic of his underwear and pulled it back, allowing Jacob Black in all his glory to spring free. I was glad he trusted me because I wasn't sure I could do this. He was huge and I was going to have to be very careful. One accidental misplaced bite, or even if I skimmed him just right with my razor-sharp teeth, the poison would …

I took hold of his hips and using just my tongue, I licked him from base to tip. Being very careful, I took him into my hand and ran my tongue just over the head of his erection. His breath started up again, shallow and rapid.

I could do this. I would just have to be very careful. I continued to lick and gently suck the tip. Then, pulling my lips back over my teeth I slowly took in as much of his length as I could.

Easy and steady.

"Bells," he choked.

I hesitated. "Do you want me to stop?"

"God, no." He grabbed the back of my head, but he didn't push or force.

Being a vampire, I had no gag reflex so I could fully take his length down my throat, but his girth was so thick, I had to be painstakingly cautious. He didn't seem to mind. When he began moaning my name and his body instinctively began pumping slightly of its own accord, I had to ease back and use my hand, stroking his shaft and using my mouth on just the head.

"Wait, stop," he told me breathlessly. "I want to finish inside of you."

I withdrew my mouth and he drew me to my feet, picking me up and helping me into the cab of the truck. He followed quickly behind and I pushed him onto his back before he knew what hit him.

"About that ride, Mr. Black." I hiked up my dress and straddled him, easing his massive hard-on slowly into me. It was like being penetrated by an achingly sweet spear of fire.

His hands were rough as he pulled me down hard onto him, pumping his hips up into me. Thank God my skin was incapable of bruising, as there would certainly have been telltale marks from his grip otherwise. I bucked and rode him, meeting him thrust for thrust.

I don't know if it was the air of danger in what we had just done previously, or if it was from anticipating this for hours all day, but in just a matter of moments, the garage tilted, my eyes rolled back in my head and my body spasmed in waves over and over. The intensity of my body convulsing around him brought him over the edge as well.

Once we'd both metaphorically caught our breaths, I lowered my body flat on top of his.

"Wow. I've heard of extreme sports, but never extreme blow-jobs."

I laughed softly into his neck. "And you lived to tell the tale."

"Remind me not to piss you off. Although I could think of worse ways to die."

I snorted. "Didn't I ever tell you I give a killer blow-job?"

"Explain_ that_ to the Cullens when Emmett finds my poisoned, withered, bitten-off penis in the back of his Icon and shows it to the others."

I laughed at the absurdity.

"And even though he would be horrified, I'm sure Edward would still be impressed with the sheer size of it." Jacob bragged.

"Of course." I rolled my eyes with a snicker. I gave him a brief squeeze. "I have to go. I can't be missed. The last thing I need is to draw attention to myself right now."

"Okay," he said resignedly.

We dressed quickly, and he walked up the driveway with me. His cottage was to the west and mine was in the opposite direction.

He pulled me closer to him possessively at the top of the drive. "I wish we could just leave," he said under his breath, as if he were talking to himself.

"You sound like when we were teenagers. I asked you to run away then, once," I reminded him.

"I wish now that we had. Maybe it's not too late."

It was a nice fantasy, but we both knew that neither of us could leave. "But you can't."

I pulled back, looking at him. "I thought once you were imprinted, you couldn't leave them, you had to be near them. I thought you loved my daughter?"

"I do. I adore her. But she's not …" His voice trailed off and I saw a look of shock cross his face. "She's not my whole life," he whispered as if he couldn't believe the words were coming out of his own mouth. "She's not you."

The conflicting emotions I was feeling at that moment were confusing. Elation, happiness, worry, and disgust with myself. I didn't have long to dwell on it, as Jacob very dangerously pulled me against him and kissed me passionately, right out in the open. The rain was pelting down on us full force, and neither of us even felt it.

We stepped apart, my body turned away, facing my destination and his body facing his, our fingers still touching and our eyes burning into each other's.

"I'll see you soon. I love you, Bells. Always."

"Me too." I smiled.

We dropped hands and headed in our opposite directions. When I came up to the house, I opened the door quietly, just in case. I made it halfway up the stairs when Edward came from the living room into the foyer.

"You're soaking wet. Where were you? I got back about an hour ago."

"I was taking a walk," I told him casually. I hesitated as he began coming toward me up the stairs. In a panic, I thought fast. "I went for a walk and then ran into Jacob coming back from his father's and we chatted for a while."

"Oh." He chuckled. "I thought there was just a hint of eau de wolf around you."

"Yes. That's why I'm headed to the shower now."

"You do that." He started back down to the living room. "Where's Renesmee?"

"She's not back yet? Didn't you see her up at the other house?"

"I didn't see her, but that doesn't mean anything. I was in the study with Carlisle, we probably just crossed paths."

"Probably," I agreed. "She spends all her time up there in her room or with Rosalie."

"Well, she wasn't with Rosalie tonight," Edward told me. "Jasper accompanied her and Alice hunting."

"No Emmett?"

Edward chuckled. "No, two grizzlies and a black bear were enough to keep him satisfied for a while. He was watching a baseball game when I left. Maybe I'll call Carlisle in a bit, and have him check on Renesmee," he added as an after-thought.

"Good idea." I hurried up the stairs and got into a hot shower. I scrubbed myself relentlessly with soap and water to wash away as much of Jacob and wet, sticky sex as I could.

I had just stepped out of the shower and thrown a robe on when my cell phone on the bed went off. It was Alice.

"Hello?"

"I knew something like this would happen!" Her voice was shrill, high-pitched, and hard to understand in its panic. "Bella! Get up to the house! Now! It's Nessie!"

I dropped the phone and ran.

**XXXXXXXXXX**


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N: Just a reminder that voting is going on for the Does My Being Half-naked Bother You Contest. So go read the great stories our talented writers have done and cast your vote for your favorite! Go vote!_

_**Warning: This chapter contains scenes that some people may find disturbing or offensive. **_

**Chapter Nine**

**JPOV**

I'd no sooner left Bella at the garage and started toward my place, when my cell went off.

It was Quil. He just wasn't going to be happy until he'd made me feel like a complete dick.

_Dammit!_

"Yeah, Quil. What do you want? I'm not really in the mood to chat."

"Jake? This is Sam."

_Sam?_ Damn, I hadn't spoken to him in years.

"Sam? Why is Quil's name coming up on my phone?"

"Quil called me a while ago, so I came out to talk to him, and he asked me to call you. It's kind of tough carrying your phone on you when you've phased," he explained. "So, I'm calling on Quil's cell."

"Oh." What the hell was this all about? "So, uh, how you doing, Sam?"

"I'm good, Jake. But I'm going to get right to the point. Quil tells me that you slept with Bella."

_Shit!_

That damn big mouth! What the hell was he running to Sam and telling him for?

"Yeah, so?" I felt my jaw clench.

"Jacob, I'm not calling you to shame you or pass judgment on you. So relax. I'm calling because I'm confused."

"Confused? About what?" Now he had me confused.

"Do you still love Bella?"

I felt the muscles in my jaw twitch with irritation. He didn't call to judge me, huh? Well, what the hell business was it of his if I was or not? He knew how I'd felt about Bella.

"Not that it's any of your business, but yes. I do. I love Bella. I always have, and I always will."

There was a long pause on the other end of the phone, and for a second, I wondered if he'd hung up on me.

"Sam?"

"Jake, when you got home from La Push tonight, did you go right to Nessie, to see her?"

_What the … _

"No." I'd be damned if I'd tell him what I did do - that Bella was waiting for me in the garage, and we'd made love in the back of Emmett's Icon. Put a pretty good dent in it, too. I'd have to fix that before he noticed.

"What did you do?"

_Dammit!_

"Look." I sighed. "What does it matter? What's with all the nosy questions about my sex life? I mean, is Quil getting so hard up waiting for Claire, he's pissed I didn't give him details, or what?"

"Jacob, I don't think you imprinted."

I halted in my tracks and almost choked. "What? What did you say?"

"There is no way in hell that I could even think of having sex with someone other than Emily, and –"

"Well, I don't know if you've noticed," I cut him off. "But Em is a little bit older than Claire and Ness."

"I understand that, Jacob. But the fact remains, you wouldn't even be able to look at Bella that way. You wouldn't be able to look at any other female that way. Regardless of how old Renesmee is."

"Well, just because Quil can't get a hard-on any more, doesn't mean the rest of us can't."

"Jacob. You couldn't. I'm telling you. There's not much we know about imprinting, but that is indisputable. I physically hurt if I haven't seen Em in a few hours. Quil and Paul are the same way. What about you? If you're away from Renesmee, is your only thought how and when you can be with her again?" He paused to let the question sink in. "You couldn't sleep with Bella if you had imprinted on someone else."

What was he saying?

"Well … then what … " I didn't even know what to say, what to ask. He was wrong. I sure as hell felt something when Bella died, and I came down those stairs and looked into Nessie's eyes. Whatever it was almost knocked me on my ass. If that wasn't an imprint, what the hell was it?

I was just about to attempt to string a legible sentence together when another call came in on my cell. It was Edward's sister, Alice. I had all those leeches on my speed dial. What the hell did _she_ want?

My head was reeling.

"Look, Sam. I've got another call. You've rendered me speechless here, and I just, I can't right now. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

"Fine. But think about what I've said, Jacob."

I shook my head and ended the call with Sam before reluctantly connecting to Alice.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**BPOV**

I hollered at Edward to follow me as I flew out of the house per Alice's instructions. He saw the panic on my face and heard the urgency in my voice and came without question.

There was absolute chaos when we got to the Cullens'.

I could hear Esme screaming somewhere upstairs before we'd even thrown the door open. We followed the sound all the way to Renesmee's bedroom.

Emmett was standing outside her door like a sentinel, arms crossed and head down. He put out a hand on both Edward's and my shoulders.

"Don't go in there," he told us.

As if he could have kept us out. Edward pushed him aside, and we both barreled into the room.

I wished we had stayed outside.

There was blood everywhere. To this day, all I can see is the blood. On the walls, on the bedding, soaked through the cream colored carpet.

In my peripheral vision, I saw Edward drop to his knees. I was unable to move, unable to speak. Esme ran to me and hugged me, but I couldn't focus, and I pushed her away.

"What happened?" I had no recollection of saying the words, but it was my voice.

My unfocused eyes settled on Carlisle sitting beside her on the bed, his head down.

"Why aren't you doing something? Do something!" I screamed. I flung myself toward him, but Esme caught me and held me back.

"I'm so sorry," Carlisle whispered. "There's nothing to do."

"What do you mean there's nothing to do? Edward!" He looked up me, dazedly. "Change her!" I yelled at him. "Change her now! Why are you just sitting there! Do it! Change her!"

I was absolutely hysterical as Edward slowly got to his feet and teetered slightly. I pushed him.

"Do it!" I screamed again, as if the force of my voice could snap him out of his stupor. "Change her!"

"No!"

We all froze and turned to the doorway as a new voice rang out. Jacob stood with his hands holding tight to the doorframe. The wood was starting to splinter under the force.

"Don't touch her!" he ordered.

"Don't listen to him, Edward! She's our daughter! We can save her. Change her now, before it's too late."

"It's already too late," Carlisle said to me, shaking his head. "She's been gone too long. I don't believe that would work on her, anyway, Bella, she can't be turned. There's nothing that can be done now. It's too late," he repeated.

"I don't care!" I cried. "Try anyway," I pleaded with Edward.

He started to approach the bed when Jacob came into the room, blocking Edward's way. He stared hard into Edward's eyes.

"No."

"But," Edward sputtered. "I have to. I have to try."

Jacob put his hands on Edward's arms, and I could see his knuckles turning white. "Don't touch her. It's not what she wanted."

When Edward didn't respond, Jacob shoved him back, and Edward dazedly hit the wall. I tried to grab Jacob and stop him as he went toward Edward again. But instead of punching him as I feared, Jacob put his hands on Edward's shoulders.

"Listen to my thoughts," he commanded.

The two men stared each other down, and finally, Edward nodded. Jacob dropped his hands to his sides.

"What are you doing? Why are you just standing there?" I pleaded with Edward. I grabbed his shirt and yanked him back toward the bed.

He looked at me, bleary-eyed. "Jacob is right, Bella. It's not what she wanted. And Carlisle believes that she _can't_ be changed. Besides, it's too late."

I was livid! These stupid, incompetent people were all just standing there doing nothing! I lunged toward the bed, ready to change her myself. I had the briefest moment of worry that I wouldn't be able to stop as I'd never tasted anything remotely close to human blood. But, before I could throw myself at her, Jacob and Edward grabbed me, both of them pulling me back.

I snarled and hissed and clawed for dear life, but the two of them held firm, and I could not escape their grip. When my body finally collapsed with exhaustion and submission, they held me up between them. I could hear sobbing and wailing and was vaguely aware it was coming from me.

Edward held me firmly on one side, while I felt Jacob's hot tears running down the other side of my face. I wished more than anything in that moment that I could cry along with him.

While the three of us held each other up and mourned, Carlisle murmured to us that he was going to take my daughter and clean her up. He promised not to take her out of the house.

I don't remember any more of that night - leaving the room, how I came to be in Edward's old bed the next morning, or even if anyone told me what exactly happened. My mind shut down; it could take no more.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**BPOV cont.**

I was vaguely aware of shadows and sunlight on the walls of Edward's old room as they changed patterns and hues throughout the length of the next day. Occasionally, I saw people as they came in and went out of the room. A few times they spoke to me, but all I heard was a dull buzz as they opened their mouths and said things to me that I wasn't ready to hear. Eventually, they would give up and leave.

Esme came in at one point in the day when the whole north wall was awash in bright, warm sunshine. When I didn't respond to whatever it was she said, she just lay beside me, her arms around me and held me quietly. The only person who didn't come to the room that first day was Edward.

When the room was finally drenched in darkness the next night, I ventured down the hallway to the room where Renesmee had been found. All the bedding had been pulled and changed, and the cream carpet pulled up. The walls looked wet and freshly scrubbed, and the strong smell of bleach filled the room.

"She's in my room that I never use."

_Jacob. _

I didn't respond, just stood staring at the empty bed.

"Bella," he said, his husky voice low. "When I came in to help Carlisle and Emmett clean up in here, when I pulled up the carpeting near the bed, I found this."

He walked over to me and held out a small, ripped piece of yellow binder paper.

"I don't think anyone else noticed it."

My eyes focused on the writing done in blue pen.

_I saw_.

My throat constricted, and in that moment, I knew. I had single-handedly killed my daughter.

"God, what did I expect? It's Edward's and my fault." I choked. "How would she know how to handle her problems, having the two of us as parents?"

"What are you talking about?" He sounded surprised. "I thought this was _our_ fault – you and me. She must have heard our conversation last night and seen me kiss you goodbye. How can you blame Edward?"

"Don't you see?" I said, finally turning to look at him. "Her mother valued life so much, she couldn't wait to throw her mortality away. I _begged_ her father to kill me – so I could be with him forever. When he left me, I threw myself off a cliff just to _show him_. And what did he do the minute he thought I was dead? He ran straight to Italy to talk the Volturi into killing him. What a wonderful set of role models we are. When things don't go the way you want them to, simply kill yourself. Find a sharp serrated knife and slice open your wrists -" My legs gave out underneath me, and Jacob grabbed me around the waist, holding me up.

"Bella," he murmured, unable to dispute what I'd just said. He stifled a sob, fighting tears again.

A thought flashed through my mind, and my throat tightened when I sucked in a breath to speak. "You're not going to die, are you?" I'd barely gotten enough air to speak, so it came out in a choked whisper.

"What? Me? Why would you ask that?"

"I mean the imprint. What will happen to you?" I was practically panting with fear.

"Bella, I feel awful, I don't know if I'll ever recover. But I'm not going to die, honey."

"I couldn't bear to lose both of you." I turned and buried my face in his chest.

Jacob was my rock. I'd always relied on his strength to get me through every danger and tragedy I'd ever dealt with. The only piece of humanity that remained in my unnatural life.

I blanked out again, and when I opened my eyes, I was back in Edward's old bedroom. There was someone lying beside me, spooning me.

_Edward._

When I rolled over and peered into his eyes in the darkness, his anguish and despair physically hurt me. I could hardly stand up under my own, but his added to mine was sure to break me. We didn't speak; I just rolled back onto my side and lay beside him in the dark.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**JPOV**

I hadn't been able to sleep that whole first night - just tossed and turned, the guilt eating away at me. I kept telling myself I shouldn't feel guilty. But then that voice in my head would laugh, and go through the list of reasons why I _should_.

Yes, what I was doing with Bella was wrong – it was dishonest, selfish and kind of against nature, in a way. But my relationship with Bella had nothing to do with Nessie. I'd never promised anyone that I would marry Ness or that one day I'd make love to her. We'd all just assumed. And for some crazy reason that made me feel like a failure. Wasn't I supposed to want to be with her romantically some day? What was wrong with me? I was so fucked-up I couldn't even imprint right.

Or was what Sam said true? I hadn't really imprinted at all.

I ran my hand through my hair, sighing so loudly it bordered on a groan.

Yes, I shouldn't be in love with her mother, and making love with her was adulterous. But those facts had nothing to do with a little girl and my protecting her!

_Did it?_

I punched the mattress in frustration. Why didn't this shit come with a manual? _Fuck! _

Last night was right up there with Bella's death as one of the worst nights of my life. First, the call from Sam and then Alice. The first call completely obliterated everything I thought was real the past five years of my life.

After staring at the ceiling in anguish for hours, it was still dark outside when I decided to get up and help the Cullens with cleaning everything up. I didn't want Bella to ever lay eyes on what she'd encountered in that room the night before, again. I also knew that none of this could be easy for them either; we'd all lost something precious.

The Cullens' front door had been unlocked – most supernatural beings don't find much protection behind locked doors; the things that want to get at us do not need keys. I slowly trudged up the stairs to Nessie's room, mentally preparing myself all the way. The room still looked like something out of a horror movie, but it was empty. I couldn't remember if she'd still been there when I left the night before or not. Carlisle had said something about taking her from the room, but I had been out of it.

I wandered down the hall looking for someone, anyone, when I heard a noise as I passed the bathroom. I slowly turned the knob and peered in. It was the grandmother, Esme. She had Nessie laid out in the tub, naked. Esme had a washrag, gently wiping away all the blood. I couldn't move, just stood there, watching. Her poor little wrists were ripped open and gaping. I heard myself choke when I felt a hand on my shoulder as Carlisle came up behind me in the doorway.

"Why don't you come help Emmett and me clean up the room, Jacob?"

I took a ragged and much needed breath as Esme finally noticed me standing in the doorway and gave me a weak smile.

"Sure, sure," I murmured, shutting the door quietly.

"We want to get it cleared out in there before Bella and Edward … wake up," Carlisle said.

Wake up? I thought vampires couldn't sleep? It was more like a vampire stupor or somnambulistic trance, or a coma, even. I wondered how long it would last. I didn't ask any questions, though, as I followed him back down the hallway.

That's when I found it. The note that I'd shown to Bella. I was down on my hands and knees ripping up the carpet when I was just going to ask Emmett or the doctor to lift the bed for me. A piece of paper caught my eye. Just an innocent looking piece of yellow binder paper on the floor – it must have floated off the nightstand in all the craziness the night before.

I picked it up and read it, and almost vomited on the spot.

_I saw._

And with no question, I knew exactly what it meant. There were so many different connotations it could have stood for – so many things she could have seen. But, I knew.

I quickly looked up; Carlisle was washing down the far wall and Emmett was tearing up the carpet at the opposite end of the room. I slipped the paper into my back pocket, and with a heavy heart, I kept working.

**XXXXXXXXXX**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

**JPOV**

I'd hardly slept for the second night in a row, when my phone went off, waking me up. I glanced at the time and figured two hours sleep was better than none.

_**Meet me at the bottom of the ravine in ten minutes**_.

It was a text from Bella. I rubbed my face, ran my hand through my hair, and staggered to the bathroom to brush my teeth.

By the time I got to the ravine, I was a few minutes late, and Bella was there waiting for me. She looked like hell. Her hair was unkempt, eyes almost black from not feeding in a few days, and her clothes were wrinkled. I walked up to her and pulled her into a tight hug. She clung to me for a long time before she finally pulled away.

"There's going to be a burial in the woods, just beyond the house." Her voice broke, and she kept brushing her cheek with her fingers, wiping away phantom tears.

"When?" I asked her gently.

"At ten o'clock. I wanted to tell you now so you'd have time to get ready."

I nodded absently, thinking. It was all happening so fast.

"How will you keep Edward out of your head?" she asked me.

"Easy," I told her, making a quick decision. "I'm not going."

"You're not going," she repeated dully.

"No. I'll have my own little ceremony. I don't think I can watch … be a part of a bloodsucker burial, when Nessie and I weren't one of you. I'll say goodbye alone, and in my own way."

Bella nodded, understanding. "I'd rather go to yours."

"Well, you can't," I told her. I had so much guilt and confusion coursing through me. I felt I had to have this just for Nessie and me. Say goodbye to her privately.

I saw a quick flash of hurt in her eyes, but I could tell she understood. "I know."

She reached out and touched my shoulder. "Do you think Edward knows?"

I honestly had no idea. "I don't know, Bella. That night … I don't even know _what _was going through my head that night. He hasn't said anything?"

"Nothing." She shook her head. "Okay. I'll see you soon." She kissed me softly. "I love you. Don't cry," she whispered before she turned and made her way back home.

I hadn't even realized I was, until I touched my face and it came away wet.

"I love you, too," I murmured.

I shuffled my feet across the small rocks and brambles as I started back to my house.

_My house._

Huh, I had no more reason to continue living there now. I had been questioning my need to stay there even before all this shit started.

Was it true what Sam had told me? That I really hadn't imprinted? I had just wasted five years of my life, living with these fucking bloodsuckers.

_Fuck!_

I kicked a large rock and watched it sail high up in the air, hitting the uppermost boughs of a pine tree.

_No._

It hadn't been wasted. I'd really felt an honest connection to Nessie. Whatever you wanted to call it — an imprint or just some weird bonding pull to the last remaining living piece of the girl I loved. It was real, and I cared for that little girl, and shared something special with her.

But I never could have dated her, married her or mated with her – whatever the hell imprinting entailed. What I felt for her wasn't like that. And I knew it never would have been. I was clear on that now. I had been waiting for that feeling to kick in, and it just wasn't ever going to happen.

I needed to make some phone calls. Tell my father what had happened. I wasn't sure I was ready to tell him what led up to this fucked-up mess — about Bella and me, but I knew he'd at least have some ideas how I could say my goodbyes to Nessie.

Then, once I had a few days to wrap my head around all this, I would call Sam and Quil and hear them out. Figure out what was what.

My feet had never felt so heavy as I dragged myself home.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**JPOV cont.**

I felt like I'd just stepped into the Twilight Zone. I stood beside my father's kitchen table with Sam, Quil, Sue Clearwater, Old Quil, and my dad. Quil sat in a metal fold-up chair, because there weren't enough seats for all of us at the table. I chose to stand, leaning against the cupboards.

Six days had passed since the tragedy with Nessie, and I could hardly drag my sorry ass out of bed to get here. I felt like shit, and I knew I didn't look much better. I forced myself to shower that morning so at least I wouldn't offend anyone with the stink of vampires and B.O.

Sam was running the show, and he never was one to beat around the bush. After bluntly stating – again – that he was sure I hadn't imprinted, I challenged him to prove it to me.

"I'd always had my doubts," he stated.

"You said that, Sam. Why?" I asked for what felt like the hundredth time.

"For one thing, I find it highly illogical that a wolf would imprint on something that had vampire blood coursing through its veins."

A murmur spread around the table as all the elders' eyes met and they nodded their agreement.

"We don't know that much about imprinting," I argued, grasping at straws.

"You're right, we don't," Sam agreed. "But we do know that imprinting means being whatever that person needs of you: a friend, a brother, parent, mentor, teacher …" He paused. "A lover," he added.

"But maybe it was a brother or mentor that Nessie wanted from me," I protested.

"That's not what you told Quil two weeks ago, Jacob," Sam reminded me.

I glared at Quil, and he looked down.

"Why are you telling me this now?" I cried. "Why didn't you say something before?"

"Jacob, I saw you that night — the night you believed you'd imprinted. You were shaken up. Your world had exploded … you were not in a good state. You'd left your home, your father, and your pack. All to protect the girl you loved. The girl you'd just witnessed die a horrible, brutal, bloody death. Of course you were overcome with strong emotions."

I back-kicked the wooden cabinets I was leaning against, and my father gave me a dirty look.

"I was sixteen fucking years old! Why didn't you tell me you didn't believe it?" I hollered at Sam.

"Because you did," he said quietly. "_You_ believed it. And anything strong enough to make you choose to stay with the Cullens and protect that baby … well, I knew it was pretty strong, whatever it was."

"But you don't believe it was Nessie? That it was an imprint?"

"No." Sam shook his head. "I think it was Bella. I mean, I guess it was partly the child, but I think you saw her as your last connection to Bella. And something in you latched onto it. Latched onto it pretty damn strongly – or maybe I should say pretty damn _stubbornly_."

I was dumbfounded. Everything he said made perfect sense. _Now, _in retrospect. And he was right – if he had said this to me before, I probably would have punched him. I would have fought tooth and nail to have a legitimate reason to hold onto that last remaining piece of my Bella.

"I'm not saying your feelings for Nessie weren't real, Jacob. But they weren't an imprint."

So that was it. I felt like the biggest fool. A sad, guilt-ridden, miserable fool.

"So," I said, speaking slowly, trying to wrap my head around it. "You're saying that somehow my subconscious, or whatever … _transferred_ my feelings for Bella onto her daughter."

"Yeah," Sam nodded. "Yeah, that's a pretty good analogy of exactly what I think happened."

"Fuck." I shut my eyes and my shoulders sagged.

"I'm sorry, Jacob."

"Don't be." I sighed. "I don't really regret it. And it was only five years. I still have time to get a life, right?"

They all looked at me with pity in their eyes and nodded their heads.

"You gonna be okay?" Sam asked me, already getting up from the table. His work was done here, and he had to run home and get back to Emily. Imprinting really was pathetic.

"Sure, sure," I told him reaching out and shaking his hand.

The others followed Sam's lead and began to get up, shuffling to the door.

I still hadn't told my father about what had transpired, leading up to all this. Unless bigmouth Quil had told him, that was my next item on the agenda.

My dad watched them all get into their cars before he closed the front door and wheeled over to me, sitting on the sofa.

"So," I asked him as he approached, "you want a roommate?"

I think it was the first honest smile I'd seen from my dad in the last five years. "I would love to have you move back here, son."

I maneuvered myself against the cheap, flat cushions, trying to get comfortable. "Do you want to know what happened?"

My father leaned back in his chair. "Only if you want to tell me."

"Not really," I admitted. "But you should probably know."

He watched me, waiting patiently for me to begin.

"You know my life has been a clusterfuck since all this began," I said softly.

"I know it hasn't been easy, Jacob. I know."

"I mean all of it," I told him. "Mom dying, Rachel and Rebecca leaving, you getting sick." I paused. Those things seemed like a lifetime ago. Things had been rough for a long time. "And then I thought things were going to pick up – I thought they were going to get good. Really good."

"You mean when Bella came back."

"Yeah. I was really happy for that brief window of time."

"I know." He reached out and patted my hand.

"That only lasted for all of what, two months?" I asked him. "And then I phased, and even that was okay for a while. But then that son-of-a-bitch bloodsucker came back, and nothing …" I had to stop as the old memories hit me like a ton of bricks. My life hadn't been the same from that moment on. I thought I had gotten past all that. I didn't realize those old festering wounds could still hurt me.

"I know, son. I know."

I took a deep breath and got myself back together. I looked my dad straight in the eye and just blurted it out. "I slept with Bella."

My father's face contorted into a myriad of emotions - confusion, realization, and then horror. If it hadn't been such a serious revelation, I would have laughed.

"You mean … before? Or … wait. When?"

"Recently. Now." I confirmed.

"You can do that?" His voice rose two octaves in shock, and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Yeah." I chuckled. "Apparently."

His expression sobered as the light bulb went off. "So that's what this is all about."

"That's what this is all about." I nodded.

"The girl found out."

"She heard us talking and saw us kiss. I'm pretty sure that's what she saw."

"And that's why she cut her wrists."

I cringed to hear it said outright. "Yeah," I told him weakly.

My father's eyes grew wide. "What do the others say? The Cullens. What did Edward do?"

"I don't think anyone knows. And Edward hasn't said anything."

"But I thought he could read minds?" he asked me.

"He can, but I don't know what the hell I was thinking that night. And that's the only time he's seen me since it started. If he knows …" I shrugged. "He hasn't said anything."

"I think Edward would have something to say about you sleeping with his wife, Jacob." It was the first side-eyed look of disapproval my father had given me all day.

"No, I agree. But it wasn't your normal kind of circumstances, Dad. I don't know."

All things considered, my dad took it pretty well. I knew he didn't approve, but my life was not like a normal person.

"I had another question …" I had to pause as my eyes embarrassingly welled with tears, and I couldn't go on. He waited while I pulled myself together so I could continue. My next words came out stilted and thick with emotion.

"How do I say goodbye, Dad? The Cullens, they had a burial for her, but I just couldn't bring myself to go and share that with them. But I don't know how to say goodbye properly, the way she deserved."

He studied me and thought for a while before he answered. "Well, in the old days, we burned the body and buried the ashes with something important to the deceased and something of value to ensure they were accepted in a place of honor on the other side. But I think what's most important for you, and for Renesmee, is that you feel forgiven. That you feel some closure from this." He reached out and touched my knee. "And only you can figure out how to do that, son. You have to forgive yourself."

I wiped my eyes. "I don't know that I could ever do that. I don't think I _can_ forgive myself."

"Well, I can. And if your friends and family who love you can, then her spirit with its newfound wisdom and enlightenment can. Trust me. The hardest part will be forgiving yourself."

I nodded, not believing that I could ever do that.

"You have carried the heaviest burden of anyone I know, Jacob. You've been given a rough hand in this life. And you've done nothing but play that hand with dignity and responsibility."

"Oh, please!" I protested. "I've done my share of complaining."

"Yes, you have," he acknowledged with a warm, knowing smile. "But you shouldered it and did what needed to be done. Please don't be so hard on yourself, Jake. Keep in mind your age, and the fact that being a warrior and protecting his people is hard enough, but to live among your very enemies and put aside your most primal instincts is not something that just anyone could do."

I didn't say anything, but the look on my face must have been doubtful.

"Hey." My father nudged my knee with his own. "Could you imagine if Paul had been in your place? Or Leah?"

"Huh, yeah. The vampires would all be dead, and I wouldn't be in the predicament I'm in now."

"Smart-ass. That's true, but consider that their decision would have been the easy one. You took the honorable route, the road less traveled."

"Oh geez. Okay, now you're gonna get all philosophical on me," I joked.

"Just wait till you move back in," he teased. "I have all kinds of wisdom to share that I've accumulated since you've been gone."

"Great. Okay." I ran my hand through my hair and stood up. "So I'll see you soon."

I bent over and gave him a hug. "And thanks," I whispered in his ear.

"Anytime, son."

**XXXXXXXXXX**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

**JPOV**

"Bella!"

I hadn't seen her since the morning of the burial. But there she was, lying on my bed, waiting for me as I came back from the meeting at my dad's house with the elders.

She sat up and watched me come into the room. "Jacob."

For all Bella's talk of eternal youth, I'd never seen her look so old. Her hair was limp, and her eyes were dull, lifeless. Her grandiose dreams of forever over in half a decade's time.

"How are you doing, honey?" I sat down beside her and put my arm around her, pulling her head down against my chest. She silently shook her head.

"Jacob," she whispered. "He's gone. He left."

"Who? Who left?" I asked her gently.

"After we … after we put her in the — in the ground," she stammered. "I went back to her room. I sat there for the longest time, by the window. I watched the sun come up, and I watched the sun go down. Two days later, when I came out, I went to look for Edward. I called, and I called …"

Bella was scaring me. Her voice was flat and lifeless, and she stared straight ahead at the wall.

"And then what, honey? Did you find him?"

She shook her head. "He was gone. They told me he was gone." She grabbed my arm suddenly, clutching at me with crazed strength. "It's my fault! They blame me! They blame me, Jacob!"

"Wait. What? Who blames you? For what?"

"The others – the Cullens. They blame me for Edward leaving. They don't know where he's gone. They don't know if he's coming back." She turned to me, her eyes wild. "They all know, Jacob. They know about us. Alice told them. And — and I was going to tell him! I was! That's why I was looking for him. I was going to confess. They don't believe me, but I really was. I really was, Jacob!"

"Shh, shh." I pushed her hair back from her face. "I believe you. I believe you." I felt like I was trying to calm an animal.

"I can't stay there. They don't want me there. They hate me now!" Her voice was rising higher and higher with every word.

"Did they say that?" I couldn't believe the Cullens would throw Bella out. She was one of them now. She couldn't survive on her own.

"No, but I could feel it. They hate me. I killed my daughter, and now, because of me, their son and brother is gone!" she cried.

"So, Alice told Edward about us?"

"No." She pulled back with a puzzled look on her face. "Alice said she never said a thing to Edward, and the only time she'd even seen him was at the burial. And that was the last thing on her mind that day."

"So, wait," I said, confused. "Edward knows or he doesn't know?"

"Alice didn't tell the others till after Edward left, so I don't think he does know. I think he just can't take Nessie being …" Her head dropped, and her shoulders sagged.

"I think if Edward knew, he would have said something to one of us." I tried to put myself in Edward's place and knew I'd have hunted him down and killed him if the shoe were on the other foot. And if he even thought that I had touched his wife, he would have killed me in my sleep before I knew what hit me, I was sure. He may have let Bella off the hook – he'd been doing that for years — but surely not me.

"Maybe he just needed to get away for a few days." I smoothed her hair.

She shook her head slowly. "I don't think so. I don't think he's ever coming back."

"You don't know that." I tried to reassure her. "He'll come back in a few days, you'll tell him what happened, and he'll forgive you. He always forgives you. And the Cullens will forget all about it. It'll be okay, Bella."

She looked at me. "What about you?"

I took a deep breath. "I'm going home."

"But you are home," she told me, her brows furrowed together.

"No. Back to La Push. I have no need to be here anymore, Bella."

"But I need you here! You can't leave! I can't lose you now, too!" She threw her arms around me and buried her cool face in my neck. "Don't you need to stay near?" she murmured. "Don't you need to be near where your imprint is?"

"About that," I said, unclasping her hands gently. She kept her eyes downcast, so I lifted her chin, forcing her to look at me. "I didn't imprint."

"What?" she said incredulously. "Of course you did. How can you say that?"

"Bella, think about it. Nessie was half vampire. My mortal enemy. I wasn't like the others – I gave in way too easily; we all did – but I still told her no. And when she wanted me to … I mean, when she wanted our relationship to … change, I should have been unable to refuse her. I should have been unable to be with you, as well. I should never have been able to make love to you if I was imprinted on her."

Bella was looking at me as if I'd just grown three heads, or I'd told her that little green men lived in my closet. "Then why …?"

"Because of you." I choked, the tears taking me by surprise. "She was the last living part of my Bella."

I tried to duck my head, embarrassed. But she forced it up, wiping away my tears with her fingers. "Jacob," she whispered. "You were always too good. Much, much too good for me. I never deserved you. I am so sorry. For everything."

Then it was my turn to bury my face in _her_ neck and cry like a baby over the Bella I'd said goodbye to and lost so many times in my life.

At least when my mother died, it was over in the space of an instant, even if it hurt me for years. But that brown-eyed girl just kept coming back and leaving me over and over and over again.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**JPOV cont.**

When I opened my eyes, the sun was weakly peeking through the clouds and semi-brightening my room. The bed was empty, but I smelled food cooking, so I got up and made my way to the kitchen.

"Good morning." Bella looked up at me as she stood at the stove, scrambling some eggs in a pan. "You didn't have any food, so I went to the store before it got light. I had a feeling if I started cooking, the smell would wake you up."

I scratched the back of my head and looked at the time on the microwave. It was pretty early. "Thank you," I told her as she set a plate of steaming eggs in front of me. "I'm starving."

She leaned onto the counter and rested her face on her hands, watching me eat. I don't know why, but it was making me nervous. I felt like I needed to reiterate where I stood.

"You can stay here when I leave if you want."

She stood up, her expression faltering. She sighed heavily. "You're really going?" she asked softly.

"Yes." I nodded. "I need to start over. I've wasted – _spent_ — a lot of time here." I caught myself, hoping Bella wouldn't notice. "My dad needs me. I need to get a job and help him out."

"You know we'll still help you out financially. We can send some money to your father."

"No, Bella. It was one thing when I was living here and maintaining the cars and helping you with Ness, but I can't take your money anymore."

"You never took our money, Jake."

"Well, you all made sure I had plenty of food, and your sister-in-law loved to supply me with new clothes. And I had a roof over my head."

"But that was all," she insisted. "It's not like you ever accepted any money outright."

"Look, I appreciate what all of you have done for me, but I need to make it on my own now. Luckily, I was able to get my GED online a few years ago – which you also paid for, thank you. And while I took a few courses, it wasn't enough to get a degree. But I certainly have enough experience to get a job in a garage somewhere."

"Are you sure you don't want to stay and take more classes?"

I looked at her dubiously.

"At least until you get your degree? Then you can go back to La Push."

I shook my head.

She looked down and traced the pattern on the counter intently. "When will you go?"

"Tomorrow, or the next day."

She looked horrified. "That soon?"

"Yes."

I ate the rest of my breakfast in silence.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**JPOV cont.**

It was two nights later, and I planned to leave the next morning. If I didn't go then, I knew I never would. And I had wasted too much time already. I felt like I was in the middle of a mad race to catch up on all the time I'd lost. I was twenty-one years old, and until a few weeks ago, still a virgin who had never had a job and had never been anywhere outside of the state of Washington.

"You're leaving tomorrow morning, aren't you?"

I was staring out the window, my arm wrapped around Bella, absently stroking her arm.

"Yes," I told her.

"Can I stay here? Please Jacob, I can't bear to go back to the big house where I'm not wanted, and the cottage holds too many memories."

She'd spent the last two nights in my bed with me — I'd figured what was the harm? The damage had already been done. Although, if Edward had chosen to return during that time, there would be more drama to deal with.

"I really think you should stay at your own cottage. What if Edward comes back? How would it look if you were already moved in and living here? Don't burn your bridges, Bella."

I glanced down at her, and she looked as if she were about to cry, if it were possible. "Give it a month," I told her gently. "If he's still not back after a month, you can move in here. Okay?"

She nodded sullenly. "Will you come back?" Her voice was shaky.

"I'll come back and check up on you, periodically."

"Will you ever come back for good?" she whispered.

"No." I couldn't lie to her. I would never go back permanently again. Ever.

"Maybe someday …" She hesitated, looking down at the sheet covering her. "Maybe someday, you and I could … go away together somewhere?" She swallowed, keeping her head down.

"Bella," I breathed. "Once Edward gets himself together, he'll be back for you. You have a forever to fulfill with him." I turned my head away, looking out the window again. "I'm not equipped for forever."

"What do you mean?" she asked, sitting up abruptly. She grabbed my chin, forcing me to face her. "What do you mean you're not equipped for forever? You are! You could be! What are you saying?"

"I just want to be normal – that's all I ever wanted. I never had grandiose, romantic ideals about living forever like you did. Life has seasons, it changes, that's how it was meant to be. This is unnatural – we're unnatural, Bella! I need things to go back to normal. And I'm sorry, honey, but that can't happen with you."

Her hand dropped from my face, and she lay back down against the mattress, closing her eyes and hardening her expression.

"I'll go back to my own cottage in the morning, then," she murmured. "I'll give it a month." She turned on her side, her back to me, and shut her eyes. "But I know he's not coming back."

XXXXXXXXXX


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve/Epilogue**

**JPOV**

Bella was right about one thing: after a month had passed, Edward had still not returned.

I had my work cut out for me in La Push. The house had fallen into disarray during my absence, and I busted my ass doing repairs. It turned out to be the best thing for me — I needed to keep busy. Otherwise, when the moon came out and the fog rolled in, it would have been too easy to allow myself to go to her. Exhaustion prevented me from letting myself give in to the urge, and for that, I was grateful.

I have to say the fact that Edward hadn't returned puzzled me. I thought for sure he'd just needed to recuperate from what happened, and once he had his emotions a little better under control, he would go back to Bella. I knew he hated to add his own anguish onto hers, and I thought this would be no different.

Sometimes I worried that he knew about Bella and me, and that's what made him run off. I had no idea what was going through my mind that tragic night, but I couldn't shake the belief that he would have tried to kill me if he knew.

I checked on Bella now and then, just like I'd promised. The Cullens had tried to reach out to her after I'd left, but Bella was so ashamed and embarrassed that she made no effort to reconnect. The doctor, Carlisle, and his wife tried to coax her to move into the big house with the rest of them, but she was content to be alone in my old place. I tried to encourage her to listen to him as she would heal emotionally much faster around her family, but she would just smile sadly and shake her head. Knowing Bella, she forced herself to stay alone as a means to punish herself.

Bella had gotten everything she'd ever wanted: Edward, eternal youth and beauty, immortality, the money. She'd even gone against every scientific law in nature and gotten a child. But it wasn't enough – her soul was like a bottomless pit, impossible to fill. And none of what remained even mattered anymore.

I'd built up a routine with my dad: doing manual labor on the house during the day, then having supper with him at night. I made a point to see more of the guys, too. Mostly Embry. Quil usually had his little shadow, Claire, attached to his side, and seeing them together always made me want to simultaneously cry and throw up.

At night, I'd fall into my bed exhausted and sleep like the dead. Although I knew firsthand that the dead didn't sleep. They were too busy torturing the dreams of the guilty. I'd sit straight up in panic from nightmares and see movement in the trees beyond the little red garage, and sometimes I swore I saw lights flicker out there. But, then I'd blink, and it would be gone.

The months flew by, and I watched my dad get stronger every day. The company seemed to do him a world of good. It probably helped that I was stocking the fridge with healthy food and even had him helping me with some of the easier jobs on the house.

I was lost and hurting, but I forced myself to just keep going. The visits with Bella always made it harder, my emotions conflicting between security and guilt. When I'd see her face, for that first instant it would be like going back in time to a lighter, easier period. Then we'd inevitably make love, and our conversation would become stilted and difficult afterward. There were too many demons and tears between us. That innocent world from our past was shattered, and we couldn't get it back without reminders rearing their ugly heads.

As time passed and the seasons changed, my weekly visits to Bella dwindled down to every two weeks, and finally monthly. Instead of getting better, she withdrew into herself and became less and less responsive to me.

Almost a year to the anniversary of Nessie's death, I was set to leave La Push. I was so worried about leaving Bella, though, that I went to Carlisle and spoke with him. I had gotten a job opportunity with Emily's uncle, but it entailed me moving up near the Makah reservation, and I didn't want to leave Bella alone. Carlisle reassured me that he would continue to check on her and try to lure her back to the big house. He promised me they wouldn't give up on her or forget about her. He encouraged me to take the job and wished me well.

I was excited, but scared. I was twenty-two, and this was my first real job – I didn't want to screw it up. George, Emily's uncle, had an automotive shop/gas station just outside the reservation, and it was getting bigger than he could handle by himself. He had an office assistant but needed help with the cars and the customers. He had a spare room in his home on the rez, or if I wanted more privacy, I could live in the small room above the shop.

The night before I left, I went to Forks to say goodbye to Bella, promising her I would be back in a few months to check on her once I'd settled in. I told her I hoped when I came back that she would be moved out of the secluded cottage and back with the Cullens.

She just stared out the window and refused to look at me. She had stopped speaking about two months before, and I threatened if she didn't talk to me and let me know she would be okay, I would just forget the whole fucking thing and stay in La Push forever. When she continued to ignore me, I growled in frustration and went for the front door, but I halted abruptly when she finally spoke.

"Go."

It wasn't much, but I took it as her blessing and left the next morning, scared out of my wits. I went straight to George's shop, intending to move into the space there. The smell of gasoline and oil was like a shot of caffeine in the morning, a sleeping pill at night, and an aphrodisiac all rolled into one to me – I took comfort in it.

I'd only met George once, at Sam and Emily's for dinner a few weeks before, but I spotted him immediately fiddling with something underneath a Cadillac that hovered above his head. He clapped me on the back and showed me around, talking quickly and pointing things out as he spoke. The garage itself was a mess. Dirty rags everywhere, and parts cluttered in a far corner. George had fresh stains all over the front of his jumpsuit. I was going to fit right in.

"Let me introduce you to my niece, Hanani. She takes care of all the paperwork and does my bookkeeping – I'd be completely lost without her help."

I followed him as he hustled me around the cars and stepped over some tools and gadgets. We went through a door all the way in the back and entered a clean, organized, and nicely decorated sanctuary. There were two windows looking out on the empty lot in back, covered in bright yellow curtains. The large desk had stacks of paperwork that were clearly separated and organized, and there were three small vases filled with wildflowers throughout the room.

George no sooner walked in than a loud buzzer rang. "I've gotta get that. Hanani, hon, introduce yourself to Jacob here, show him the room upstairs, and get him a jumpsuit. Thanks."

A woman behind the desk looked up and smiled at me. Her glossy black hair was pulled back into a bun, and she wore glasses with dark frames that reminded me of a teacher.

"Hi, I'm Hanani." She removed her glasses before reaching out and shaking my hand, and I couldn't help but notice her eyes, which were striking in color: a deep jade green against her rich, golden brown complexion.

"Jacob Black."

She looked slowly down my body, scanning me with those green eyes. "You're a big boy, aren't you?" she grinned shyly, with just a tinge of a smirk.

And I blushed. I fucking blushed.

"Er … ah."

"Come here." She saved me from embarrassing myself further with more stutters. She opened a cupboard that was low to the ground and shuffled through some folded blue jumpsuits until she found one she was satisfied with and pulled it out.

"This should fit you." She handed it to me, studying my face intently. "How old are you, Jacob?"

"Twenty-two," I told her. Should I call her ma'am? She looked to be only in her early thirties, and decided she was too pretty to call ma'am. I glanced quickly at her left hand and saw no wedding ring.

"Oh, you are young. For some reason, I thought when my Uncle George said he hired someone, that you'd be older." She turned and started walking back toward her desk. "That's too bad," she murmured.

"Too bad?" I chuckled.

"Whoops." She grinned at me. "Did I say that out loud?"

It took me a minute to realize she was flirting with me. I was a little out of practice, and I'd never been very good at it to begin with, so I just smiled my most charming smile. And then, _she_ blushed.

"Uh, er … the uh, calendar is over here by the window." She pointed to a large hanging calendar just behind her. "I'm here part-time, and my schedule varies, but I write when I'll be in on here. So if you, uh, if you need me for something, you can, uh …" She coughed. "You can see when I'll be available."

I had to admit, I was enjoying watching her get flustered. Was that because of me? I politely looked at the calendar she was pointing at and almost laughed out loud.

"George likes wolves, does he?" I asked her, noticing the graphic was of a large gray wolf, his muzzle covered in snow. Looked a little like Embry.

"Not particularly. This is my calendar." Her eyes twinkled as she smiled, and I noticed she had perfect, white teeth. "I love wolves. There used to be one that lived outside our village and my little sister and I used to feed it, even though we weren't supposed to. I don't know." She shrugged. "I've just always like them."

Yeah. I was gonna fit right in there.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**JPOV cont.**

I kept my promise to Bella and went to see her whenever I went to my dad's. It probably wasn't often enough, but I'd never imagined how freeing it would be to start all over again. I got a clean slate when I moved to Neah Bay – no werewolves, no vampires, no past high school embarrassments, no history to drag with me that I would be prejudged and measured by. It was incredible.

George's integrity was known far and wide and his business was really getting to be too much for just the two of us, so not long after I arrived, he hired his nephew to help us out. Herman was Hanani's little brother and a really sweet guy. He was pretty quiet, unlike George, but he knew his way around a car and liked to play cards, so there were a lot of impromptu poker games up in my room once the shop closed in the evenings.

Hanani was a regular visitor to my room above the shop, herself. But it wasn't cards that we got up to – although her first trip up there, she blatantly lost her ass at strip poker. She had me convinced she was a really bad player, but she was just a girl who knew what she wanted and had an inventive imagination in going about achieving it.

I got a call from Carlisle about 14 months after I'd left La Push. I'd seen Bella five times during that span, and she hadn't improved at all. Carlisle was upset; the Cullens really felt it was time to leave the area – they'd stayed in Forks much longer than they'd ever anticipated. But Bella refused to go with them, she wanted to stay there at my old cottage all by herself.

The doctor said they'd even thought of just packing her up and forcing her to go with them, but she would get hysterical if they even suggested her leaving. He didn't know what to do, and asked if I would talk to her.

And so I tried. I drove out to Forks the next morning. I took the Harley, as it was impossible to drive a car to the cottage, and I had stopped phasing completely about two months before I'd left La Push. I was sure I was still capable, but I didn't want to do it if I didn't have to. Moving to Neah Bay had given me the strength to really put my past behind me. Not that I could ever forget completely, but I never dreamed that I would come as far as I had already.

Bella never even acknowledged I was there. It broke my heart. I tried not to break down, and I talked to her as if she were listening, but I didn't even know if she could hear me anymore. Every time I went there, the past came crashing down on me, and it would take me days to drag myself back out. It killed me to see Bella doing that to herself, but she'd always wallowed in her emotions to the extreme, and I was incapable of dragging her out of that dark place yet again. Maybe I never should have left, but then I'd remind myself that then there would be two broken people instead of one.

The Cullens kept the property so Bella could live uninterrupted on the land, and they went to Alaska as they had planned to years ago. I hated to think of her out there all alone, but she knew how to contact all of us. Carlisle and Emmett set up a computer for her out there to email them, but she never touched it. The computer gathered dust in the corner of her room.

I never thought I'd pray for the bloodsucker to return, but that was usually the last thought before I went to bed at night. Maybe if Edward came back, he could help her find it within her to forgive herself.

But he never did.

I alternated between pride and guilt for how well I had done for myself. I accomplished more than I'd dared to dream. Not bad for a boy who'd never wanted anything more than to just live a normal life.

But sometimes, the dreams would return. Usually on those nights when the wind was howling and whispering through the trees, I would hear her saying my name.

_Jax_.

I know now that there is no permanent escape – no matter how far away I go and how much time passes.

My dreams will forever be haunted by my two phantom brown-eyed girls.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**Many, many years later …**

**EPOV**

It wasn't until my daughter died that I realized what a monster I truly was. It had been my fault. Everything.

Oh, I'd kidded myself that drinking only animal blood would save my soul, but that was a farce. The blood was nothing compared to what I'd done. I'd destroyed lives. Killing Bella that first day I'd seen her at Forks High would have been merciful. Instead, I'd dragged her family and my own – not to mention the Quileutes, into my evil. Death would have been quick and painless.

So it was decided. If I was going to live with the burden of being a monster, I might as well start acting like one.

I slipped out the night of my daughter's burial, and no one even noticed.

I never looked back.

I thought of taking a little trip out to Alice and Jasper's old cottage before I left and surprising the dog. If he had been asleep or I caught him unaware, he would never have known what hit him. Just one well-placed, calculated bite, and he'd have been dead within 60 seconds.

I think.

Not quite sure how that works since I'd never actually bitten a werewolf, but I'm sure it wouldn't have taken too long for the poison to kick in.

Unfortunately, a few of my family members had grown genuinely fond of him, so I thought better of it. And although he was childish and petulant and whined more than any other human I knew – besides Bella – he had kept his hands off my daughter when he could have taken advantage of her.

I wish I could say the same for my wife.

Even though I was unable to read her thoughts, it turned out I didn't have to – Bella turned out to be like every other female I knew — human, vampire, or otherwise. A dull, predictable disappointment.

So I spared the dog.

He and Bella must have really believed they'd put one over on me. The night of Renesmee's death, I saw small snippets in Jacob's head – quick flashes of Bella naked, and him touching, fondling. The pictures were so veiled and vague due to what was going on around us, I wasn't sure what I was seeing.

But when my sisters rushed back to the house after Alice saw what Renesmee had done to herself, Alice thought she could keep me out of her head with amusing sexual narratives of her and Jasper. How naïve. Over the years, she didn't realize that once those silly thoughts went through her mind, I knew she was trying to cover up something she didn't want me to see, and that's when I paid extra close attention. That's how I discovered that those flashes of Jacob and Bella were real.

It was too much – I had to get out of there, or I would have killed them all.

The only person I stopped to have a chat with before making my getaway was Mr. J. Jenks, in Seattle. He gave me an ID on the spot from his safe after I tore an antique chair into pieces and with one hand ground the mahogany leg into dust right before his eyes.

I didn't need to frighten him, but I was in a hurry and wanted his utmost attention. With shaking hands, I was given an ID card, passport, and Social Security number with the name Jonathan Patterson.

My plan had been to go to Europe and settle in Wales, but would you believe it? I'd no sooner settled into a flat than I discovered something while hunting: the moors are full of werewolves. I doubted I would be so lucky as to strike up another treaty, so I packed up again and moved to London.

Here, I am the handsome, mysterious American loner …

With one major difference from Edward Cullen of Forks, Washington:

Jonathan Patterson likes blood.

Real blood.

_Human blood_.

After years of fighting it, I decided if I thought of myself as a monster, I might as well _be_ a real monster.

And what I'd done as my nemesis, Edward Cullen, _was_ monstrous. I'd led a young naïve girl down a path straight to Hell, dragging my whole family down with us. I couldn't kid myself anymore. I was evil.

I don't feed frequently on human blood. Only when the right opportunity arises. When bad people do bad things and need to be stopped. When criminals wander the streets at night and I read their indecent, corrupt intentions. Really, I'm killing two birds with one stone – assuring myself of a place in Hell, and ridding the streets of danger.

"Books on the floor, hands in front of you, and eyes on your own paper."

There is a creaking of desks as students lean over and a shuffling as textbooks are placed on the ground.

Yes, I have returned to the classroom. With one small difference this time.

"Take a paper and pass the remaining tests to the person behind you."

This time, I am the teacher. I had hours of time on my hands when I reached London and couldn't bear the thought of returning to high school and repeating senior year yet again. But my plans entailed that I be amidst a large body of young humans.

I contacted J. Jenks again and asked him to supply me with information on how to disguise myself – wigs, makeup, prosthesis, etc. He sent me some information via email, and I learned how to change my appearance and where to purchase professional level facial hair and make-up. I was always a quick study, and it wasn't long before I found a new look. Nothing drastic; just subtle shadows under my eyes to age me, and a well manicured mustache. I also purchased some dye, changing my bronzed hair a rich, chocolate brown.

"You have thirty minutes to complete the test. And, begin."

The turnover in a college classroom is much quicker than a whole school year in a high school. Every semester, a fresh flock of students arrive, and I know eventually I will find what I am looking for. My wife could not have been the only shield out there. There must be someone else immune to my mind-reading capabilities.

I have all the time in the world to find her.

It would be next to impossible to find another person whose mind not only is silent to me, but whose blood is irresistible, too. I have decided that is just as well. It had been torture fighting the lure of Bella's blood. I will make things easier on myself this time. The mind block alone is more than sufficient.

Of course, it is turning out to be a difficult thing to find.

Ironically, a young girl with tantalizingly sweet blood appeared before even my first year of teaching had completed – a pretty little redhead with freckles on her nose and steel grey eyes. Her mind was an open, vapid book.

On her third day of class, she was seen wandering through the lot to her car on her way home, and was never seen or heard from again.

I was extra careful after that – not that I was afraid of getting caught – but I wanted to stay in one place for a while, so it was best not to draw attention to myself. I wasn't expecting my search for a mind shield to be easy, I knew it would take lots of time. And of that, I have plenty. My odds are better if I stay in one place and let the influx of students flow and change.

I will find her. And this time, I will do it right. No chivalrous declarations of love and devotion. Just a sweet, naïve companion with a quiet mind to share my body, thoughts and knowledge with. I will change her quickly and with no fanfare. And without the luxury of choice. That's what caused the whole mess the last time.

_What do you want, Bella? Who do you love, Bella? What is your choice, Bella?_

No, this time it is going to be about John Patterson and what he wants.

I was never a difficult person to please. Companionship and silence from the idle chatter in people's heads. No drama, no histrionics, no inordinate declarations of undying love. Not this time.

It may take me months or years – it may even take me decades – but she is out there. Bella could not have been the only one.

And I will find her.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

_A/N: I'm exhausted. I have no ideas lined up for the next fic – all I know is it will involve **Jacob** and lots of **porn**. LOL For those of you who continued on to the end of this (and I know I lost a lot of you with the intense subject matter), thank you. This was depressing and I apologize, but I had to go here after avoiding it all this time. I had to erase the imprint, and I had to give Jacob and Bella the chance that Stephenie Meyer didn't, even though at this point, it was really too late. But better to have tried and failed than never to have tried at all, right? Thank you again!_


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